Sam: You know, Diane's right. I'm gonna embarrass her.
Cliff: Sammy, believe it or not, I think I have a simple solution to all this. Look, he's a literature professor, right?
Sam: Yeah, right.
Cliff: War And Peace is the greatest novel. You read it between now and Saturday, right? Drop in a few comments over dinner. You're off to the races.
Sam: "War And Peace"? This is a good book?
Cliff: Oh, yeah. They say the first 800 pages are a bit slow but it shoots off after that.
Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. What are talking about? I've got five days. How long is this book?
Cliff: Well, I've delivered a few for the book clubs and it's about three-and-a-half pounds paperback.
Coach: Forget it, Sam. Nobody can read four ounces a day.

Sam: Oh, it's you guys. I thought it was Diane. Turn on the lights, will ya?
Norm: Hey. I've never been in here before. It's classy, Sam. Sammy, you know where I can get one of these? You know, Mother's Day's coming up.
Sam: Would you give me just a few minutes here? I've almost got it finished. What time is it?
Norm: How many beers have I had, Cliff?
Cliff: Uh... Eleven.
Norm: 8:05.

Diane: There's only one thing more romantic than you reading War And Peace for me.
Sam: What?
Diane: You reading War And Peace to me.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Well, it just so happens that I have a copy right here. You sit down right here, and I'll read to you. [Diane kisses Sam] Oh, that's nice. Here we go.
Diane: [takes the book] Let's go see the movie.
Sam: [shouts] There's a movie? Where's Cliff? I'll kill him! Cliff! I'll kill him!