Sam: Thank you so much. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What do you mean- What do you mean, "Poor Sam"?
Diane: I didn't realize you were carrying such a torch for me.
Sam: No, no. I didn't say I was carrying a torch for you. I said I thought you were carrying a torch for me.
Diane: I'm certainly not carrying a torch for you.
Sam: Well, then I'm not carrying a torch for you.
Diane: Fine. Sam... If you'll admit that you are carrying a little torch for me, I'll admit that I'm carrying a little one for you.
Sam: [quietly] Well, I am carrying a little torch for you.
Diane: Well, I'm not carrying one for you.
Sam: Then I'm not carrying one for you either.
Diane: You just said you were.
Sam: No, I said that only to get you to admit that you are. That's all.

Norm: OK, Sammy, we're rolling here. Those job offers ought to start pouring in now.
Sam: "Norm Peterson: thought-provoking, poignant, hilarious, a roller coaster of emotions. If you hire only one accountant this year, make it Norm Peterson." What is this?
Cliff: Uh, he had the paper open on the movie section, Sam.
Coach: Here's the part I like best, Sam. It says, "At last, an accountant the whole family can go see."

Sam: Hello, there. Did you have a nice weekend?
Diane: Oh, I had a wonderful weekend. Went to Martha's Vineyard, long walks on the beach, hiked over the dunes, crisscrossed the island on bicycles.
Sam: Still couldn't lose him, huh?
Diane: You now, you are the last person in the world who should take shots at somebody else's choice of dates. Not with the coterie of Betty Boops you squander you time, money and hormones on.
Sam: Hey, I date terrific women.
Diane: Yes. And talented. Without them, the art of gum-snapping might be lost for ever.
Sam: At least my dates don't count the number of letters in sentences.
Diane: Your dates can't form sentences.