Coach Quote #67
Cliff: Hey, Coach, who do you say is the smartest animal?
Coach: I gotta say Francis the Talking Mule.
Cliff: No, Coach, I don't think you're catching on here. That was a real guy talking for that mule.
Sam: Uh, well, it wasn't so much that he could talk, it was what he said, right, Coach?
Coach: Yeah, right, and it was a lot better than that drivel Mister Ed was giving us.
Cliff: Good point.
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: All right, here's a little-known fact. The smartest animal...
Cliff: ...is the pig.
Norm: What? They look pretty stupid.
Cliff: Yeah, your average oinker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scientists say if a pig had thumbs and a language, he could be trained to do manual labor.
Norm: You mean they'd be part of the workforce?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. They'd give you 30 years of loyal service, then at the retirement dinner, you could eat 'em.
Quote from Sam
Diane: You bellowed?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, I did. What are you trying to do?
Diane: I don't believe that guy's a spy for one minute. I think he's lying.
Sam: What? A customer in a bar is telling tall tales just to impress a waitress? Call 60 Minutes.
Diane: All right, when you put it that way. The thing is...
Sam: Look. Look, listen, why do you suppose people come to bars in the first place?
Diane: Oh, let me take a wild stab at that one. Perchance to drink?
Sam: Wrong. Wrong. They could do that at home. They come here to shoot off their mouths and get away with it. Listen, in this bar everybody gets to be a hero. Now, what's the harm?
Quote from Give Me a Ring Sometime
Coach: I'm knocking off, Sam. Home to my book.
Sam: Still working on that novel, huh, Coach?
Coach: Yeah, coming on six years now. I just got a feeling I might finish it tonight.
Diane: You're writing a novel?
Coach: No, reading one.
Quote from Peterson Crusoe
Diane: You know, it took a great deal of courage for Norman to do what he did. I admire and envy him. He has heeded Thoreau who admonished us that, quote, "Life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify."
Coach: Why didn't he just say one 'simplify'?