Sam Quote #1772
Carla: Sammy. How could you have a problem worse? You're perfect. You don't even know what the rest of the world is like.
Sam: Honey, I... I'm not perfect.
Carla: Oh, yeah, right.
Sam: All right, you really want to know? Watch this.
Carla: [gasps] Holy Mother of God! Oh, Sammy! You wear a rug!
Sam: It's not a rug! It's not a rug! It's a hair replacement system.
Quote from Sam
Sam: Oh, my. Yeah, uh, listen I know what you want to do is run out there and tell the guys, but I've got to remind you here, Paul, a gentleman does not kiss and tell. It's just not cool.
Paul: But you do it, Sam.
Sam: True. True. But I'm Sam Malone, and by definition, everything I do is cool.
Quote from I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday
Diane: Sam, I know you to be a man of pride and principle, but strength is also to be found in the ability to bend. Witness the willow, nature's strongest tree.
Sam: No, I thought the oak was the strongest tree.
Diane: Only in furniture.
Sam: What about the saying "strong as the mighty oak"?
Diane: The oak can be felled by a single harsh wind under the right circumstances.
Sam: All right, but what about birch and mahogany? Now, those--
Diane: Would you shut up about the damn trees?
Sam: You brought them up.
Quote from The Proposal
Sam: You know, for the longest time, I kept pretending about you. I guess I was afraid to really admit my feelings. But from the very start, down deep inside, I have been crazy about you. Crazier about you than any other woman I've ever met. I mean, hell, I was crazy about you even when I hated you. [Diane laughs] What I'm trying to say is will you marry me?
Sam: Are you serious?
Diane: I'm afraid I am.
Sam: Well... seems to me you have two choices. One, I can throw you in. Or two, you can jump in.