Norm Quote #1066

Quote from Norm in Norm's Big Audit

Dot Carroll: Okay, Peterson, what's going on?
Norm: All right, Dot. All right, I'm gonna be honest with you. That wasn't my wife. My wife is probably home in bed. The truth is, Dot, I'm not a very good husband. [sighs] I hardly spend any time at all with Vera. We never talk. I don't know her birthday. I don't know when our anniversary is. But I don't cheat on her. Now, that may not sound like much to you, but to me, it's the difference between being a bad husband and being a bad person. So, go ahead, d-do your worst. Throw the book at me.

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 ‘Norm's Big Audit’ Quotes

Quote from Sam

Carla: You know, about this game that's on tonight...
Sam: Uh-huh.
Carla: Do you remember what happened?
Sam: Yeah, I won. [chuckles]
Carla: Hey, Sam, this was in your drinking days. I mean, this is the game where you thought the Orioles' mascot was a huge mutant bird.
Sam: Oh, my God.
Carla: Yeah, remember?
Sam: Oh...
Carla: Yeah, you threw a fastball at him. You hit him right between the eyes and gave him a concussion.
Sam: Well, what would you do if you saw this gigantic bird coming at you? Would you just let it attack you and peck your eyes out?

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: Hey, Norm, what are you doing?
Norm: Just getting prepared. I'm gonna bury this auditor in paperwork. I got phony receipts. I got a postdated diary. I got fake mileage logs, the works.
Rebecca: Why are you meeting the auditor here?
Norm: Old trick, Rebecca: you meet the enemy on your own turf.

 Norm Peterson Quotes

Quote from Tan 'n' Wash

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Paul: Hey, Norm, how's the world been treatin' ya?
Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.

Quote from Paint Your Office

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Man: Hey.
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson. Beer, Woody.