Woody Quote #807
Quote from Woody in Ill-Gotten Gaines
Woody: Holy cow, that's your brother's wife, and you're having an affair with her?
Mr. Gaines: Yes. You really didn't know?
Woody: No.
Mr. Gaines: Then you're not blackmailing me? I didn't have to buy your silence?
Woody: Well, no, I- I would never blackmail you, Mr. Gaines. I mean, I think what you're doing is disgusting and wrong, but that's between you and Satan. I've got something to tell you. I think that we can't be friends anymore. I don't respect you.
Mr. Gaines: Well, I'll just have to live with your scorn and contempt, Woody.
Woody: Okay, Mr. Gaines. I just want you to know, I'd never blackmail you. I'd much rather do this. Hey, everybody, I've got something to tell you!
Mr. Gaines: Uh...
Woody: I want the wishbone! Gotcha. This is gonna be a fun night.
Cheers Quotes
‘Ill-Gotten Gaines’ Quotes
Quote from Woody
Mr. Gaines: Oh, it's, uh, nothing important. Just, uh, some silly forms giving me power of attorney over all of your affairs. You see, the Gaines estate is wide and varied. And now that you're married to Kelly, you're part of that estate.
Woody: I'm not sure I understand all this.
Mr. Gaines: Oh, let me put it in Hanover-ese, Woody. You know how a turkey, when, uh, it feeds at the trough, will eat until it dies? Well, these forms give me the right now that you're feeding at the Gaines trough to pull your head away if I think you're gonna choke.
Woody: Well, turkeys don't choke, Mr. Gaines, they explode. Well, the one clue you get is you... You hear this hissing sound just before they blow. Now, you hear a turkey hissing, head for the hills. Turkey shrapnel can kill you.
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Uh, there must be some mistake here. Uh, you've got me sitting at the kiddie table.
Sam: Um, no, no, uh, no mistake Cliff. Uh, we all decided that you're the only one that we trust being an adult supervisor.
Cliff: Ah, well, that's another bowl of stuffing, then, Sammy. I'll be proud to watch the little tykes. So, kiddies I ever tell you about the first Thanksgiving? Yeah, it took place, uh, between the ancient Egyptians and astronauts from a distant galaxy.
Quote from Carla
Carla: Well, you guys lucked out. You get to spend you Thanksgiving with the Tortellis. Hide your valuables. Hey kids, park it over there.
Rebecca: Carla, why'd you only bring three of your kids?
Carla: Well, we have this kind of Thanksgiving tradition at our home. You see, at noon I set them out on the curb. Then the various men they've come to know as "Dad" drive by, and who's ever left comes with me.