Norm Quote #991
Quote from Norm in Heeeeere's... Cliffy!
Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Hey, Mr. P. How's life in the big city?
Norm: Hey, what'd I tell you about those fat jokes?
Cliff: Uh, what's in the box there, Norm?
Norm: Only my brand-new Turbo Flex Airmasters with the custom pump fit and the night reflector racing stripe.
Woody: Ah, whoa!
Sam: Ooh, look at that! Major shoe.
Norm: And check out the reflector, huh?
Paul: Wow, shines like the Northern Lights.
Norm: Yep. Get this, they utilize a patented ergonomic lever propulsion design. Uses your body's own Achilles tendon as a fulcrum.
Woody: I read in Runner's World that they can improve your vertical leap by ten percent.
Norm: Try 12%, babe.
Sam: Ooh.
Cliff: Ah, that's more than a shoe there, Normie, that's a god.
Norm: And now, if you gentlemen will just stand back for a second I'm gonna try these puppies out. [sits down on his stool] And we're off! [drinks beer]
Cheers Quotes
‘Heeeeere's... Cliffy!’ Quotes
Quote from Cliff
Johnny Carson: Doc is so old...
Cliff: Oh, my God, here it comes.
All: How old is he?
Cliff: Yes.
Johnny Carson: ...when he was a kid he never blew out candles on a birthday cake. They didn't have fire yet. [audience groans] Ooh, stay where you are. Fortunately, folks, in a situation like this, the, uh, the band has instructions to come over and form a human barrier in front of a star. How did that line get on the cue cards anyway? I should have done that joke with one of those big blue dots covering my face. Who wrote that joke anyway?
Cliff: I- I wrote that joke and it was great.
Johnny Carson: Pardon me?
Cliff: The problem wasn't the joke, the problem was you. You botched it. You botched my joke, Johnny Carson!
Norm: Sit down, please.
Cliff: I'm not going to sit down! I wrote that joke. Get your hands off me. Is this the way you treat your talent, Carson?! [gets dragged away by security]
Johnny Carson: Ladies and gentlemen, the president of NBC. [applause]
Quote from Sam
Woody: Do you think I'm supposed to marry Kelly, Sam? I mean, do you think that's what the plan is for me?
Sam: You getting cold feet, buddy?
Woody: Well, yeah, it is a little chilly up here, but I'm trying to talk philosophical.
Sam: Yeah, I think you should marry her. You guys are in love, man. That's the best. [sighs] You know, sometimes I don't think I'll ever find someone. I thought Diane was going to be the one, but it turns out she wasn't. Which was lucky for me because if she had been I just would have ended up killing her and dying in the electric chair.
Woody: That is lucky.
Quote from Lilith
Norm: "Mr. Clavin, thank you very much for your submission to The Tonight Show. We will not be using your material. Enclosed is your submission."
Paul: Hey, what was it this time? Let me put my beer down, I don't want it coming through my nose.
Norm: "Today is Doc Severinsen's birthday. You know, Doc is so old, when he was a kid he never blew out candles on his birthday cake. They didn't have fire yet." [Lilith laughs]
Frasier: Lilith! You can't possibly be laughing at that terrible joke.
Lilith: You don't find humor in the exaggeration of a contemporary man predating an event which took place 45,000 years ago?
Frasier: Well, had Cliff phrased it like that, sure, hellzapoppin.