Lilith Quote #162
Cliff: Hey, everybody. You'll all be very happy to know that I am now a, uh, published humorist.
Frasier: Wow. The Post Office Newsletter. I hear that's tough to get into.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, I'll say. Yeah, they've been after me for quite some time now, and I finally gave them permission to, uh, print one of my "daffynitions."
Norm: All right, let's hear it. [others groan] What? Hey, hey, he was going to do it anyway. Don't make me the bad guy here.
Cliff: Here you go, uh Daffynition, Postal Increase: What happens to your feet after your finish your route. [Lilith chuckles]
Norm: Now, Lilith, you, uh, you thought that was funny?
Lilith: Oh, yes. You should see her at a Marx Brothers' movie.
Lilith: Isn't Zeppo hysterical? The way he just stands there without expression or reaction. Boy, that cracks me up.
Quote from Carla
Carla: [whimpering] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Frasier: Carla, you've been leaping out of your skin every time there's a clap of thunder. Surely you know it's simply static electricity being discharged into the atmosphere.
Carla: You are so naive!
Frasier: Carla, you've got to calm down.
Carla: You don't get it! I mocked God! And this is not like getting in trouble with your parents or your teachers or your boss. I mean, this is God! Famine, flood, pestilence, disease. Who do you think came up with that? [thunder rumbling] [moans] He is just toying with me now.
Frasier: Carla, you can't believe that God has a personal vendetta against you.
Carla: Look at my kids. Look at my husbands. Look at my life. What do you think?
Lilith: Uh, I don't think any major religion still propounds the theory of a vindictive God, who hurls thunderbolts and takes personal vengeance on people's transgressions. [thunder roaring] I believe that's for you.
Quote from John Allen Hill
John: Ah, Miss Tortelli, nice to see you again.
Carla: What're you doing down here, Hill? Hope you're not here to ask me for a date.
John: Date? Is that what you call it? I think we skipped dating, Miss Tortelli, and went straight to the fall of Rome. Tell me, is the rumor true your son's going to be a priest?
Carla: Yeah, what of it?
John: Well, I didn't realize you were Catholic. The only time I've heard you say anything remotely religious was that night a few weeks ago when you called me Zeus.
Carla: The hell I did.
John: You want me to run the videotape?
Quote from I'm Okay, You're Defective
[some time in the future:]
Lawyer: I am sorry about the passing of your husband, Lilith. Frasier was a good man, and we will all miss him.
Lilith: Thank you.
Lawyer: Well, I now have the unhappy task of reading your late husband's will.
Frederick: You okay, Mother?
Lilith: Yes. Thank you, Frederick.
Lawyer: "Sam Malone's sperm count is well within normal range."
Lilith: That damn bar.
Quote from The Girl in the Plastic Bubble
Lilith: I'm going now. I'd like to leave a parting word. I want you to know that what I'm doing is very difficult. It is not to hurt Frasier. It's to acknowledge the fact that I'm changing. No one can go living year in and year out without ever changing. It's impossible. [looks at Norm and Cliff] Or at least it's very rare.