John Allen Hill Quote #27
John: Ah, Miss Tortelli, nice to see you again.
Carla: What're you doing down here, Hill? Hope you're not here to ask me for a date.
John: Date? Is that what you call it? I think we skipped dating, Miss Tortelli, and went straight to the fall of Rome. Tell me, is the rumor true your son's going to be a priest?
Carla: Yeah, what of it?
John: Well, I didn't realize you were Catholic. The only time I've heard you say anything remotely religious was that night a few weeks ago when you called me Zeus.
Carla: The hell I did.
John: You want me to run the videotape?
Quote from Lilith
Frasier: You know, Carla never ceases to amaze me. She has a strange mixture of fervent religious faith and primitive superstition. I suppose it's a result of our ever-changing, mixed-up culture.
Lilith: I don't know that you should blame Carla's belief system on culture, Frasier. The need to worship higher intelligence is an innate and universal phenomenon. In fact, in recent weeks, it's become clear that my lab rats worship me as a goddess. I must confess, I don't discourage them.
Frasier: That's very interesting, dear. Apropos of nothing, uh, how many vacation days do you have coming?
Lilith: I don't know. Uh... 80, 85.
Frasier: Well, what do you say we cash 50, you spend a little time with, uh, some, oh I don't know, some people?
Quote from Carla
Carla: [whimpering] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Frasier: Carla, you've been leaping out of your skin every time there's a clap of thunder. Surely you know it's simply static electricity being discharged into the atmosphere.
Carla: You are so naive!
Frasier: Carla, you've got to calm down.
Carla: You don't get it! I mocked God! And this is not like getting in trouble with your parents or your teachers or your boss. I mean, this is God! Famine, flood, pestilence, disease. Who do you think came up with that? [thunder rumbling] [moans] He is just toying with me now.
Frasier: Carla, you can't believe that God has a personal vendetta against you.
Carla: Look at my kids. Look at my husbands. Look at my life. What do you think?
Lilith: Uh, I don't think any major religion still propounds the theory of a vindictive God, who hurls thunderbolts and takes personal vengeance on people's transgressions. [thunder roaring] I believe that's for you.
Quote from Loathe and Marriage
John: People, people, it's getting late. Now no one admires the sight of a beautiful young bride more than l, but the lunch rush is the lunch rush.
Sam: Say John, I... I bet you'd like to meet Carla's first husband.
John: [takes a look at Nick] Oh, my God!
Nick Tortelli: Nice to meet you. [offers his hand]
John: Please. My profession requires that I handle food.
Quote from Head Over Hill
John: Sa-am, we have a problem.
Sam: You know, I got to be honest with you, John. The way you pronounce my name really bugs me.
John: How would you like me to pronounce it?
Sam: Sam, just Sam. You try it.
Sam: All right, John, uh... What would you say if you were going to order a ham sandwich?
John: I don't eat ha-am.