Alex Trebek: Cliff, it's all right, you don't have to worry. Unless you risked more than $21,600, you will be the new Jeopardy! champion. So let's take a look and see what your wager was. You bet "22,000 big ones"? Which takes you down to zero. You bet it all. Cliff, why would you do something like that?
Cliff: It's because I knew that those people had never been in my kitchen. You can ask them. Come on, Tony Curtis is still alive. Get him on the phone, go ahead, I'll pay for the call.
Alex Trebek: Isn't going to work, Cliff, sorry. Agnes, $400 is not a big total, but today it's enough to make you the new Jeopardy! champion. So congratulations.
Cliff: No, she's not! I'm the champion! I answered all those questions! You saw me, America! Write in and tell them!
Norm: Come on, Wood, if we sneak out right now, nobody will know we're with him.
Cliff: Tony Curtis, if you're out there, if you can hear me, call in, and I'll split the pot with you. Ah, for crying out loud, look... Any mail carriers out there?

Alex Trebek: Agnes, what did you put down? "Who are Tony Curtis, Cary Grant, and Lucille Ball?" You're so very close, but you're incorrect, unfortunately, and that means it's going to cost you... $2,900. That takes you down to $400. And it takes us to Cliff. Cliff, good news for you, both of your opponents came up with incorrect responses. And what that means is that even if you're wrong, as long as you didn't do anything foolish like wager everything, you're a cinch winner.
Cliff: Well, then we don't have to see my answer there, do we, Alex? [covers screen with his jacket] Listen, see you at the tournament of champions.
Alex Trebek: Cliff, we're running out of time. And we are going to have to take a look at your response. You wrote down, "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?" No, I'm sorry. That, too, is wrong. The correct response is, what were the real names of Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, and Joan Crawford?
Cliff: Be that as it may, Alex, those people have never been in my kitchen.
Alex Trebek: Well, I'm sure they haven't, but obviously that's not what we were going for when we wrote up that clue.
Cliff: Obvious to who?

Sam: Honey, I have a little favor to ask you. See, somebody out there has got my little black book.
Rebecca: So?
Carla: So some guy is calling all the girls in it and saying he's Sam.
Norm: Right. And he sets up dates with them and has them put on sexy outfits and I guess he spies on them.
Rebecca: It sounds like you, Sam.
Sam: No, but it's not bad.
Carla: Anyways... We want to use you to help us set a trap for this fiend.
Rebecca: Why would I want to help Sam get back his great big book of bimbos?
Carla: Because you're the next great big bimbo he's going to call.
Rebecca: What? Why am I in the list of women you've gone to bed with?
Sam: They're not all women that I've gone to bed with. It's just the important women in my life, you know? I mean, the women I've gone to bed with, my cleaning lady, my mother, and you. Of course, now that I've gone to bed with my cleaning lady, that just leaves them, Mom, and you.