Sam Quote #1060
Quote from Sam in Swear to God
Carla: Sammy, now you've done it. There's nothing in your future but frogs and locusts. Why'd you have to go and do it, Sammy?
Sam: I didn't do it.
Frasier: What?
Sam: I didn't do it. We went to the hotel, she got into bed, I got into bed with her. Then I was folding up my socks, and I was...
Carla: You fold up your socks?
Sam: Sure. I'm not an animal. Anyway, all of a sudden, for no reason, I went over and l, and I opened the nightstand drawer. And there it was, staring right up at me. The Bible. Can you imagine that, a Bible in a hotel room? So, we we got out of there real quick, and we got another room, and there it was again. I mean, we we went from hotel to hotel, and it just followed us wherever we went. Then it dawned on me. This was a bona fide miracle. God was speaking to me directly through hotel nightstands.
Carla: He works in mysterious ways.
Sam: Amen. Amen.
Frasier: Excuse me, Sam, but, uh, in all the years you played baseball, traveling throughout the country, all the hotel rooms you stayed in, didn't you ever once notice?
Carla: Uh, Frasier, Sam was just telling us about a miracle that affected him very deeply. Now, what was it that you were noticing?
Frasier: Well, th- They always put those little strips of paper across the toilets. Just an observation.
Cheers Quotes
‘Swear to God’ Quotes
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Hey, Sam, hey, uh, back from the Denise decathlon, huh? [chuckles] Got a, uh, another gold medal in the "broad" jump?
Sam: You know, you got a big mouth, Clavin.
Cliff: Hey, he happens to be right, you know. Yeah, it's a genetic quirk in the, uh, Clavin family that we all have two extra teeth. Yeah, you see, that's the only way that we can prove that we are the rightful heirs to the Russian throne.
Frasier: Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me what color is the sky in your world?
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Let's address this problem, Sam.
Sam: Well, I don't know anything about submarines.
Frasier: Well, surely you have other interests. Sports, sailing, music?
Sam: Well, yeah, I had a piano lesson once. Actually, I had the piano teacher and it was twice, but I liked it.
Frasier: Well, I'll tell you. If you were to sit down at the piano today and channel your energies into it, you would find all your sexual tensions pouring out through your fingertips.
Sam: Yeah, fingertips. Yeah, right.
Frasier: And best of all, Sam, no matter how badly you perform, a piano never laughs. Never stomps out of the room and refuses to let you play again for three days. Well, I'm off to Lilith.
Quote from Sam
Carla: Well, what's the big deal, you know? You can just do what all the other jerks do. You pay a little money for support, and you get off the hook.
Sam: No, Carla, it means a lot more to me than that. I'm telling you, if this, if this kid is mine, then then I want to see that he's fed, that he's clothed, and that he's educated. You know, I'm- l'm gonna take him to, to Little League games, too. I'm gonna be the best damn father you've ever seen. Please don't let him be mine! Oh! Oh! I tell you, if I get out of this, I swear to God, I am through fooling around forever.
Carla: Sam, don't swear to God.
Sam: No, I mean it, I mean it, if I get out of this, I swear to God, I'll never have sex again.
Carla: You? Never?
Sam: Yeah, not ever. I mean, for the rest... Well, three months, three months.
Carla: Well, I guess the amount of sex you have in three months is what most people have in a lifetime.
Sam: Huh. If they're attractive, I guess.