Carla: Making a date with a stranger over the telephone is a big mistake, Diane. I tried it. It was nothing but trouble. Of course, mine was an obscene phone call.

Diane: For the first time in my life, I let appearance taint my feelings toward a man.
Sam: Boy, you know what's wrong with you? You just can't be honest with yourself. Looks are all that ever mattered to you.
Diane: What are you talking about? That is utterly inaccurate.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Want me to prove it to you?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: Who were you more crazy about than anyone else in your entire life? Uh, not including yourself there. Don't answer. It was me. And there was only one reason why you ever went out with me, and that was because of my looks.
Diane: Not entirely.
Sam: Yes, entirely. Name one other reason why anyone would go out with me. Go on, name one. You can't, can you?
Diane: No, Sam, I can't. [Sam laughs; everyone cheers]

Woody: You know, you ought to ask Mr. Clavin. He's very sharp. He's got more information in his whole head than I got in my little finger.
Cliff: Uh, you got that backwards.
Woody: See?