Coach: OK, please, everybody, listen up, huh? It's time once again for the third annual Cheers picnic. Now, I'm going to need volunteers for the various committees. First, food. Now, who'll volunteer to take care of the grub? [silence] Well, what the heck. I can do this one. Ernie Pantusso. I did a pretty good job last year. At least no one complained. [laughs] This brings us to the entertainment committee. Who wants to chair this baby? Well, entertainment goes with food. Ernie Pantusso. Ah, we'll need two captains for the softball teams. Two. Uh, come on. A show of hands. [nobody raises their hand] Well, I can handle one team. Ernie Pantusso. OK, so who wants the other? One. One more. Well, I'm going to be out there on the field anyway, so Ernie Pantusso. Oh, and last but not least, I need somebody to head up transportation. I got it. Ernie Pantusso. Now, there'll be a meeting of the committee chairmen is at my house tonight at eight o'clock. Please, everybody, try to be on time.

Sam: Carla, do you mind here? Now, what kind of artist should I get to paint Diane?
Carla: You better get a bad one.
Sam: Why?
Carla: Because you don't want it to look like her, do you?
Sam: You know, your wisecracks all the time don't make things any easier here.
Carla: Come on, Sam, you know my philosophy. If you can't say something nice, say it about Diane.

Sam: You know, it's getting to the point where I start doing things I don't even want to do, but just knowing it's going to tick her off, I gotta do them. The more I think it's going to drive her crazy, the happier I get. Is that- Is that weird?
Carla: No, no. We know the woman.