Diane Quote #200
Diane: I'm just saying it would be a wonderful gesture to me if you destroyed the book.
Sam: Are you nuts? It took me years to meet all these people!
Diane: And even longer to alphabetize them.
Sam: All right! I knew you'd bring this around to stupid.
Diane: Oh, any argument with you begins and ends with stupid.
Sam: Listen, you can put up with this book if I can put up with an afternoon of paint splatters.
Diane: Paint splatters? Sam, if brains were money, you'd have to take out a loan for a cup of coffee.
Sam: I got that one! I got that one!
Diane: You're making marvelous progress.
Quote from Coach
Carla: You know, Coach, every night you walk out of here and forget your keys. Have you got them this time?
Coach: It's OK, Carla. I got it all figured out. I left them in the car.
Carla: Aren't you afraid somebody's gonna steal it?
Coach: I locked the doors.
Carla: How are you going to get in without your keys?
Coach: I made a duplicate set.
Carla: Well, where are they, Coach?
Coach: Holy mackerel! Sam. [Sam hands him his keys] Carla, we've really got to make a scramble. Looks like rain. Come on. I left the windows open.
Quote from Norm
Norm: Arlene Horsley. Yeah, she's a typist at that firm I got fired from. I gave her a slice of my pizza one day during a coffee break, and things kind of took off from there. Anyway, we caught a little movie this afternoon.
Coach: What was playing?
Norm: I finally got around to seeing Gandhi, Coach.
Cliff: Whoa. Gandhi. A fine piece of cinematic art there.
Norm: Well, I'm out of here.
Carla: Where are you going?
Norm: I gotta get back before Arlene starts to me.
Carla: Where is she?
Norm: She's watching Gandhi. I'm just out for popcorn. I'll see you in an hour when I go out for jujubes.
Quote from No Help Wanted
Diane: Sam, now, it's true, hiring Norman has emotional overtones. But without emotions, the mind becomes a stagnant pond. And let's face it, in your case, we're not exactly dealing with white water rapids in the first place.
Quote from Sam's Women
Diane: Sam, do yourself a favor. Go back to your tootsies and your rat parts. I'd hate to see the bowling alleys close on my account.
Sam: Hey, hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you saying that I'm too dumb to date smart women?
Diane: I'm saying that it would be very difficult for you. A really intelligent woman would see your line of BS a mile away.
Sam: You think so?
Diane: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Sam: You know, well, I've never met an intelligent woman that I'd want to date.
Diane: On behalf of the intelligent women around the world, may I just say... Phew.