Woody: [as Mark Twain] Hello, good-mannered and agreeable children. Hey, everybody, look who's here.
Carla: It's that famous actor Robert De Zero.

Frasier: All aboard the S.S. Delmonico. Embarking at 0900 hours for Nassau, St. Thomas, Martinique, and other exotic ports of call. [mimics boat horn]
Sam: So you took my advice, huh?
Lilith: Yes. As of close of business today, it's just us. A couple of fun-loving swabbies lost at sea. [Frasier chuckles] We'll be todo incomunicado. No business, no clients, no phone call... [pager beeps]
Frasier: Lilith, we promised no beepers.
Lilith: I won't give it up without a fight. You'll have to perform a strip search.
Frasier: The vacation has begun. Now hear this. Hear this, Sternin. Prepare to be boarded.

Mary: Um, pardon me, ma'am, uh, but that adorable bartender over there.
Carla: Woody?
Mary: Uh, yes. Is he keeping company with anyone in particular?
Carla: Not that I know of.
Mary: Well, I think he's very special.
Carla: Well, I guess that's the nicest way of putting it.

Frasier: [in Carribean accent] Hello, mon.
Sam: I'm sorry, uh, Limbo Night's Tuesday, man.
Frasier: Hey, mon, you stop bad mouth styling, or I'm gonna have to bop you on the head with a banana boat, mon. [Cliff laughs]
Lilith: Frasier, please cut the calypso. Isn't it enough the cabdriver already took a swing at you?

Frasier: Well, what say we go get some lunch there, my little marine melon?
Lilith: Anything you want. Just promise me you won't refer to the waitress as "Sista."
Frasier: [laughs] [sings] Day-o Day-ay-ay-o Daylight come, and me wanna home.
Lilith: You're not the only one.

Carla: Hey, hey, Woods. Mary just came in. Maybe you should get her a glass or something.
Woody: She doesn't drink in the afternoon.
Carla: No, I mean to put her teeth in.

Sam: Listen, you got to end this. Right now, go on.
Woody: I don't know how. You know, I- I can't stand the thought of hurting somebody's feelings.
Sam: I know.
Woody: Carla, you've been dumped a million times. What's the best way to do it?
Carla: You know, the only reason I'm not cleaning your clock is because you remind me of Jed Clampett.

Woody: Well, um Mary, you see... Uh... I mean, you know, uh, how... I don't suppose there's any chance you understand what I'm talking about yet.
Mary: Actually, I do. Let me explain something to you, Woody. I'm a very lonely woman since I lost my husband. My family lives out of state. I never see my grandchildren, and most of my friends have moved or passed away. Seems my days are so hard to fill. I swear, there are mornings when it didn't seem worthwhile getting out of bed. A- And then I met you-
Woody: Stop. Stop. Will you marry me?
Mary: Heavens, no. I'm three times your age.
Woody: You know that I'm young?
Mary: Well, Woody, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Woody: Well, why didn't you ever tell me this?
Mary: Well, I enjoyed your company so. And besides, every time I wanted to, you started quoting "The Jumping Frog of Calaveras County". Now, I hope you're not upset with me.
Woody: Oh, are you kidding? I'm just glad I didn't have to dump you.
Mary: [laughs] And besides, you had such fun playing the part, and you were quite excellent.
Woody: You sure you don't want to marry me?

Sam: Whoo! Sorry I'm late. Boy, you will not believe what happened to me. I made a right-hand turn onto Boyleston and ran right into this stupid parade. Then my car backfired, and scared the tar out of these two cute little poodles in tutus who were dancing by.
Rebecca: Dancing poodles.
Sam: Yeah. Anyway, the dogs spooked and ran away, and this cute little girl in blue sequins ran after them right in front of this little car full of clowns that swerved to miss her, and the car ran right in front of this elephant, the elephant reared up, threw this swami guy off that was riding on his tusk.
Rebecca: Sam, this is the lamest excuse you have ever given me. Why don't you just say, "l'm sorry, Rebecca, I overslept. It won't happen again"?
Sam: It really makes me-
[A young woman enters wearing a skimpy costume of blue sequins followed by two poodles]
Sam: I'm sorry, Rebecca, I just overslept. It won't happen again.

Sam: Come on, please. You're a little tense; you got to relax, take a few days off. You know, maybe a vacation, or something?
Frasier: Vacation? Ha! You make it sound so easy, Sam. As if one could just pick up just like that. We are professionals, with commitments and obligations. Our patients depend upon us.
Lilith: I'll clear my schedule if you will.
Frasier: Nassau or St. Thomas?
Lilith: Let's go talk to the travel agent.
Sam: There you go. Have a good time.