Frasier: Look, you kids, uh, go to the concert without me.
Lilith: Frasier, this is Frederick's first concert.
Frasier: Yes, and this is my bugging out of Frederick's first concert. I intend to do this all through his childhood and teenage years. Then, finally, when he's in his mid-20s and he comes to me and says, "Father, let's go hear Bobby Short at the Carlyle," I'll turn and say, "Son, now you're talking."

Nanny G: Thanks so much. You know what? My favorite thing in the whole big, wide world is making new friends.
Lilith: Oh, I'll bet.
Nanny G: [sings] When you meet someone Who might become a friend to you
Lilith: So, Frasier, have you been married to any other well- known performers? If, for instance, we should take Frederick to the circus next month, should I feel threatened by Jojo The Dog-Faced Girl?

Woody: She shook everyone's hand. She even kissed some guy in the fourth row. They don't shake your hand in row YY in the second balcony. Oh no. They'll happily charge you $28.50 a pop, but that don't buy no handshake in double Y.

Lilith: So Frasier was married to that... Oh, how would one describe her? Bitch. Never even told me about her. Well, if that's what he wants, he can have it. [sings] I want to shake your hand, snatch you bald I want to scratch your eyes out I want to drain your blood and replace it with a Mercuric chloride, formaldehyde And alcohol solution. [laughs] You had to be there.
Carla: Boy, never seen this side of Lilith before. I like it.

Frasier: Where is Lilith?
Carla: She's in the ladies' room. Hey, Fras, heard you used to be married to a children's singer. What's the matter? Burl Ives turn you down?
Frasier: Look, am, am I the only one who was ever married before? It's history, it was a long time ago. So I didn't tell her. So what?
Norm: Yes, Frasier, but why didn't you tell her? Hmm? Marriage is built on trust, you know. You ever told her how you really feel inside? Have you ever shared with her? Have you ever cried with her?
Frasier: You're right, Norm. I should have told her about it. I'll never forgive myself.
Cliff: That was beautiful, Normie. Where'd you get it?
Norm: Last week's Matlock. I don't know what he got the guy off for, but that was his summation.

Frasier: Darling, are you going to be okay with this?
Lilith: Am I going to be okay with this? Let's see. Earlier today I discovered that my husband had an ex-wife he never told me about. Then I had the pleasure of watching him kiss said ex-wife in front of a thousand children, including his own. Then, to top it all off, she hugged me. Can you deduce from my tone whether or not I'm going to be okay with this?
Frasier: Baby, you're the greatest.

Nanny G: My goodness, Frasier. I can't believe you have such a big, wonderful boy. Frasier and I weren't together long enough to have any children. Although we sure did try a lot, didn't we?
Frasier: l, uh... I don't remember.
Nanny G: I do.

Carla: Hey, Nanny G. Hi, I'm Carla.
Nanny G: Hi, hello.
Carla: And these are my twins, Jesse and Elvis.
Nanny G: My, they're glorious.
Carla: Thanks, thanks. They're a little shy, but they'd both like an autographed album.
Nanny G: Why, sure. "Love, Nanny G." It's for you. [hands the album to Jesse]
Jesse: [to a mother and daughter] Would you like an autographed album for your little girl?
Woman: Oh, that's so sweet.
Jesse: Twenty bucks.
Carla: They grow up so fast.

Norm: You like that stool?
Boy: Yep.
Norm: Drink pretty good there?
Boy: Yep.
Norm: Tell you what, kiddo... Here you go, scoot, go on. [lifts the boy off the stool] Wish someone would've done that for me when I was seven years old.

Nanny G: Well, my, my, my, oh, my. Well, I was going to start by singing "The Doodle Bug Song." [applause] Thank you. Thank you. But instead, I want to begin by singing a very special song for a very wonderful boy. [sings] The first time Ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes And the moon
Lilith: Why is she looking directly at you?
Frasier: She isn't looking at me. She's looking in the general direction of our loving family.
Lilith: I think she's singing the song to you, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, you're being paranoid. She's singing a lovely song to a two-year-old child.
Nanny G: [sings] The first time Ever I lay with you
Lilith: All right! That's it! Stop the music! Leave my man alone!
Nanny G: I'm sorry, I can't help it. Frasier, I've never stopped loving you.
Lilith: Well, maybe this'll help!
Norm: Girl fight! Girl fight!
Frasier: You know, I'm going to suffer for this tomorrow, but today, right now, this exact moment, I'm the happiest man on Earth.