Woody: Hey, Dr. Crane, you know, tomorrow's the big day I'm getting sworn in in Boston City Council.
Frasier: Oh, yes, the beginning of your political career. It started out as a small joke and turned into an enormous one.

Diane: [on TV] Thanks to the Amazon Rain Forest for providing me and you, ladies and gentlemen, with 40% of our oxygen. The devastation must end!
Carla: Woody, I want you to look at the television and tell me what you see.
[The guys at the bar gesture to Woody]
Woody: Uh, the television isn't even on.
Carla: [sighs] [chuckling] I just must be having one of my little spells.
Diane: [on TV] Thanks to you, Sylvia Plath...
Carla: Whoa! This is a doozy!

Frasier: So, local girl makes good. Hmm. Ah, well, here's to Diane and her success.
Sam: Well, I'm gonna do you one better there. I think I'm gonna send her a telegram of congratulations. You know, it's kind of the classy thing to do.
Carla: H-H-Hold it. Wait a minute. Why would you be sending a telegram to my hallucination? Unless, it's not a hallucination.
Sam: What- What- What are you talking about? The... [The guys gesture to Sam] Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, it is. As a matter of fact, this, this whole thing is part of the hallucination. [all agreeing]
Carla: Wow. I must have been in a car accident.
Sam: Mmm.
Carla: I'm probably in a hospital right now, hooked up to a bunch of machines, barely clinging to life.
Sam: Yes. That's... That's probably true.
Carla: Phew. What a relief.

Diane: Hello, everyone.
Carla: [screams]
Diane: Nice to see you, too, Carla.
Sam: Diane... What are you doing here?
Carla: [screams]
Sam: You invited me, remember?
Carla: [screams]
[Sam covers Carla's mouth]

Diane: Hello, Woody.
Woody: Well, hi, Miss Chambers.
Diane: What's new in your life?
Woody: Oh, well, you know, l, uh, got married, and I'm gonna have a kid.
Diane: Wonderful!
Woody: Yeah. Oh, also I just got elected to the Boston City Council.
Diane: How nice. And I'm next in line for the throne of England.
Woody: Really? Well, you know, maybe we'll work together someday. You know, hammer out a treaty or something.

Frasier: Hello, Diane.
Diane: Hello, Frasier. You're looking well.
Frasier: I'm feeling well. I'm happily married with a bright young son and a successful practice. But, you know, what's most important and I just realized it this moment is I'm over you.
Diane: I'm glad.
Frasier: There's absolutely nothing here anymore. I'm over you. You could be a- a total stranger for all I'm feeling. You could be ugly and gnarled and toothless without that shining hair, those dancing eyes, these graceful, supple limbs. Thank God I'm free.
Diane: Frasier, you're hurting me.
Frasier: Well, you never hurt me, did you?! Anyway, good to see you.

Paul: So then what happened?
Frasier: So the next thing we know, Diane turns up here with her husband and asks to meet Sam's wife.
Paul: Holy moly.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. Then Sam goes back there and grabs our fair Rebecca, introduces her as Mrs. Malone, then they toddle on up there to, uh, Melville's for lunch.
Paul: Man, oh, man, oh, man.
Norm: Which ought to be very interesting because Rebecca's been a total gibbering idiot ever since Don dumped her.
Paul: Damn it all. Everything neat happens when I'm not here! I always miss everything! [walks into the backroom]

Diane: We're pathetic.
Sam: How so?
Diane: Sam, you just spent the afternoon pretending to be married to a woman who's the emotional equivalent of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and who's desperately in love with another man.
Sam: Yeah, well at least I didn't fly across the country to make an ass out of myself.
Diane: Why bother when you do it so brilliantly right here?

Frasier: Well, Kelly, you must be very proud of your husband.
Kelly: Oh, yes, I certainly am, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Yes.
Kelly: You know, the city of Boston has lots of problems.
Frasier: Oh.
Kelly: I can't imagine what they might be, but I know Woody is the man to solve them.
Frasier: I hope you're right.
Kelly: After all, we have to make the town a safe place for little Woody Jr. to be driven through on his way to private school.
Frasier: An inspiring thought.

Rebecca: Where have you been?
Sam: Well, the sex compulsion therapy group thing.
Rebecca: Yeah. We're all real proud of you with that. How's that thing going?
Sam: Uh, slow but painful. This week I'm not gonna think about sex at all or even hear about or talk about anything remotely sexual.
Rebecca: Sam, it's about my love life.
Sam: Yeah, that should be safe.