Cliff: And then there was this 1938 accident where the elevator plunged 86 floors.
Carla: Get me out of this thing!
Diane: Oh, my. What an exquisite place to come to work everyday. Have you ever seen such sumptuous surroundings?
Cliff: Well, you obviously haven't been to the, uh, new downtown postal annex, Diane.

Carla: [gasps] Damn. Got another one of those carpet shocks.
Diane: Well, Carla, if you'd walk like a lady, that wouldn't happen.
Carla: If I walked like a lady, nothing would happen.

All: Surprise!
Norm: Don't you guys ever think about maybe calling first?
Carla: Yeah, well, we couldn't find a phone booth. Until now.
Frasier: Say, did anybody ever see Das Boot?

Carla: So if you're lookin' for a secretary, I'm available. But I want you to know I do not take shorthand, I don't type and I don't make coffee.
Thompkins: Well, what do you do?
Carla: Hire me and find out.
Diane: Carla, I don't think he caught that. Next time try to be more obvious.

Norm: See what I mean, Diane? I just wasn't meant to be a success.
Diane: Norman, may I speak to you for a moment? You make me sick. You're a quitter, Norman. No, you're worse than that. You're a non-starter. You don't even try. You sit around the bar all day. You sit around your house all day. You sit around here all day. You sit around life all day. How are you gonna feel some day at the end of your life when you're lying - no, make that sitting - on your deathbed and you realize that the only thing you've done in your life is sit around and watch people do things, make things out of their lives. Well, maybe you're right, Norman. Maybe you're not meant for success. Maybe you're meant for exactly what you are. Nothing.
Norm: Diane, you have no right to say that to me.
Diane: Norman, I said those things to you because I care.
Norm: You must care an awful lot about me.
Diane: Well, I do. All of your friends care about you an awful lot. And we're tired of seeing you give up so easily.

Norm: Maybe I won't give up so easily this time. Maybe those harsh, stinging, offensive words of yours, words that I'll take to my grave, by the way... Maybe they finally struck a cord with me, Diane.
Diane: Oh, Norman, do you mean it?
Norm: Oh, yes, I do, Diane. You know, every place I've worked, my name has been synonymous with patsy. Well, I think it's high time my name stood for ruthless. Now people may not like the new me, but they're gonna respect the new me. Diane, I want you to mark this date on your calendar, for today is the day the new me is born.
Man: Happy birthday. Sign here.
Norm: Uh-uh.
Man: I'm gonna tell the boss. [Norm signs the paper]
Diane: No, no, Norman, Norman, Norman-
Man: Thank you, Mr. Springsteen.
Diane: Well, it's a start.

Sam: You know, I was thinking while you were gone, it's not really fair to have you make all the honeymoon plans, so I went ahead and I did them myself. All you have to do is pack your bags and set your dial for fun.
Diane: Oh, God, it's Niagara Falls, isn't it?
Sam: No, it's not Niagara Falls. That place is a tourist trap. You ready for this? Disneyworld.
Diane: You want to go to Disneyworld for our honeymoon?
Sam: Oh, yeah.
Diane: But, Sam, I always thought that would be someplace we'd go when we have kids.
Sam: Well, hey, no, this is not just for kids. This, this is for "children of all ages." I mean, can you say the same thing about Tibet?

Sam: Yeah, anyway, I was, uh, just describing how they make maple syrup by draining the sap from trees when I happened to look down and notice how nicely Cindy Van Rippen had filled out.
Cliff: Ooh.
Sam: Oh, yes.
Woody: Well, what happened next?
Sam: Oh, well, l, uh, I smiled at her and she smiled at me and then after my little speech we stole a few moments in the cloakroom.
Woody: No, I mean after they drain the sap from the trees.
Sam: I don't remember, Woody.
Woody: Oh, great, Sam. Get us all revved up and then leave out the best part.

Sam: Give my best to Norm.
Diane: Well, aren't you coming?
Sam: Oh, I gotta take care of the bar here.
Diane: Oh, Sam, we've got to show Norman our impressive phalanx.
Sam: Oh, that's all right, honey. He saw mine at the gym.

Diane: Sam, imagine getting up in the morning and looking out on the roof of the world. Look where we'd stay. Isn't it quaint?
Sam: Looks like where the dogs sleep.
Diane: It is. The dogs sleep with us. You wouldn't want to freeze to death, would you?
Sam: Diane, I didn't sleep with dogs when I was single. I'm not about to start now.
Diane: For goodness sake, don't you want to taste the exciting and fascinating things that life has to offer?
Sam: No. I'd rather marry you.