‘Norm's Big Audit’
Season 11, Episode 13 - Aired January 14, 1993
Norm is on the receiving end of an IRS audit by a battleaxe. Meanwhile, Sam is worried when the guys at the bar decide to watch a baseball game from his drinking days.
Quote from Norm
Dot Carroll: I'll make this short and sweet. When I say "go," you tear off my clothes, and you can't use your hands. Well, hell, come on in. Enough foreplay. [closes door] Let's be sheet meat.
Norm: Did I tell you that I was married?
Dot Carroll: [scoffs] Congratulations. Let's celebrate with a roll in the hay.
Norm: Listen, there were some things I said to you this afternoon that I- I really...
Dot Carroll: Don't worry. I'll be gentle. Drop trou on three. One, two...
Quote from Carla
Dot Carroll: Hey! Aren't you a waitress at that bar?
Dot Carroll: I don't believe for a second that you two are man and wife.
Carla: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm Vera Peterson, Norm's wife.
Dot Carroll: Okay, if you two are so happily married, let's see a big, open-mouthed, sloppy kiss. Right now.
Norm: We don't have to do that.
Carla: That's right. That's for the privacy of our boudoir.
Dot Carroll: If I don't see some evidence of your happy marriage, I'm gonna go through your receipts with a fine-tooth comb.
[Norm and Carla reluctantly approach it other. They put their arms around each other and lean in slowly...]
Carla: I'm sorry, Norm. You're gonna fry.
Quote from Norm
Dot Carroll: I should've known. I scared you away, didn't l? I'm always scaring men away. What is it about me?! Don't just stand there, tell me!
Norm: Uh... [sighs] You could lighten up a bit. I mean, you do come on sort of strong. And while we're at it, you could cut back to three or four packs a day.
Dot Carroll: I do it to stay thin. Want one?
Norm: All right, this isn't about me, okay?
Dot Carroll: Oh, I guess I'm just not used to somebody saying nice things to me.
Norm: Well, I could start right now. All right? [sighs] I believe that underneath that gruff exterior, you're probably a very nice, warm, caring person. Okay? And I say that knowing that you're probably gonna throw me in jail.
Dot Carroll: [scoffs] You're not going to jail, Norm. I wouldn't throw a decent man like you in jail.
Norm: Thank you, Dot.