Carla: Hey, Norm, what's with all the cats?
Norm: What? Animals like me.
Carla: Good. Cos no human is gonna.
Cliff: Norm, you smell like low tide in Bridgeport.
Norm: It must have been that tuna sandwich I ate.
Cliff: Oh, what did you do, eat it or roll in it?

Diane: Oh, Norman, you must be hopelessly depressed.
Norm: Last night I went home so depressed, I almost jumped out my window. There were so many cats, they would have broken the fall. That- Those guys out there are only a scouting party. Go on! Get out of here! Raah!
Diane: Norman, there's dignity in any work. Now, don't be ashamed of physical labor.
Coach: Oh, no, Diane, I know exactly how Normie feels. When I was a youngster, I was a busboy. And I'm telling you, the humiliation, the getting ordered around, it's more than a man can take.
Man: Hey, get a beer over here, huh, Grandpa?
Coach: Yes, sir. Right away.

Norm: Sammy, I am honored. I want you to know this is one of the great moments of my life.
Sam: Aw, come on. Give me a break. One of your greatest moments?
Norm: Easy, Sam. There have only been two. I'm aware you're doing this out of pity, Sam, but you just got the best damn accountant around.
Cliff: I'll second that.
Coach: What, that he just got the best damn accountant around?
Cliff: No, that he's doing it out of pity.

Cliff: Whoa, here he is, ladies and gentlemen. Norm "Render Unto Caesar That Which Is Zilch" Peterson!

Sam: How's it going, Norm?
Norm: Almost done. You won't be disappointed. I found a few things. You're gonna have the best damn tax return ever to be audited. Oh, lighten up, will you? It's a tax joke, come on.

Cliff: Boy, Sam, you know there's a bounce in Norm's step I haven't seen in months. Tonight may be a turning point in his life. He might come out of that office, his job complete. Who knows, he may even make amends with Vera and start building a new life.
Diane: Oh, that would be wonderful.
Cliff: Then again, he might drink till he passes out with his head in the toilet. It's too close to call, really.

Carla: [on the phone] Of course babies can eat pizza. Just put it in the blender.

Norm: You know what you are?
Sam: What?
Diane: Don't say anything-
Norm: You're a backstabber.
Sam: Well, you know something, you're a big baby.
Norm: Hair hat.
Sam: Ham-hock.
Carla: [to Diane] Gooseneck. This is fun.
Diane: We are not the ones fighting, here, spaghetti breath.

Norm: You're bad, Malone. B-a-d, you're bad.
Sam: You're starting to get on my nerves. You know that?
Norm: Well, the truth hurts, huh, Malone?
Coach: Oh, my God. Will the two of you listen to yourselves? Standing there, arguing, bickering! You're making a mockery out of Bell Day!

Becky: Hello, Sam.
Sam: Hey, Becky. Boy, long time no see.
Becky: Yeah, I finally got transferred back to Boston. I really missed this city and a lot of its landmarks. Speaking of which, when do you get off?
Sam: Oh, I don't get off any more, Becky. What I meant by that was Diane and I are going together here.