Cliff: You know, I tried to serve, but they disqualified me.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah. I can't understand it, 'cause they went for my theory.
Norm: What theory's that?
Cliff: The one about, uh, bringing back the guillotine.
Norm: Gee, they, uh, turned you down, huh?
Cliff: I guess the old inmates are running the asylum, huh?

Diane: Oh, hello, my darling.
Sam: "Oh, my, will you look at that ring."
Diane: My boyfriend gave it to me. You'll have to pardon my giddiness. I am in such a glorious mood today. I don't think anything could spoil it.
Frasier: Bombo is dead.
Diane: Nope. Not even that. I have been selected to serve the Commonwealth of Massachusetts on jury duty.
Sam: [groans] I'm so sorry. That's awful.
Carla: They tried to get me once, but I got off 'cause I got a good excuse. I'm the sole support of six kids.
Diane: I suppose they felt that anyone who hadn't mastered birth control isn't smart enough for jury duty.

Carla: Hey, you know who that is?
Sam: Oh, yeah, it's Eddie LeBec.
Norm: Eddie LeBec right here. All right.
Frasier: Wow, Eddie LeBec. Who is Eddie LeBec?
Diane: Well, if they're excited about seeing him, he's either a sports figure or he holds the world's record for stuffing beer nuts up his nose.
Norm: Uh-uh-uh, that is Jimmy "The Snorkel" Stevens, Diane.

Frasier: Boy, the injustice of it. A man rises to such popular acclaim simply by stopping a hockey puck with his face while a courageous little chimp who advanced man's scientific knowledge dies almost anonymously.
Norm: You should have gotten the monkey a pair of skates.

Woody: Wow, Eddie LeBec. It sure is exciting seeing a sports figure in real life.
Sam: What about- What about me, Woody?
Woody: Well, I can't speak for you, Sam. I only know I'm excited.

Sam: What about Frasier? Hey, Frasier, you look like you could use a pick-me-up.
Frasier: A hockey game?
Sam: Yeah.
Frasier: No, thank you. I've been to the bullfights in Spain. I've been to the altar with Diane. I think that's enough carnage for one life.
Sam: Oh, come on, Frasier, go. Bombo would have wanted you to.
Frasier: Perhaps you're right. You know, I've always wondered what makes the average person turn into an animal at a sporting event. Perhaps I could witness the phenomenon and write a paper on it. Put Dr. Frasier Crane back on the map. Carla, thank you. I accept.
Carla: Well, at least I won't be fondled all night.

Eddie LeBec: So, you're a hockey fan, eh?
Carla: Oh, yeah.
Eddie LeBec: Well what else should I know about you?
Carla: Me? Well, uh, I'm in my mid-20s, never been married, got no kids.
Diane: You're next in line to the throne of England.

Eddie LeBec: So, Carla, I'd better get back to my place. I gotta look at some films. I just, uh, I don't know, I just wanted to stop in and see, you know, just...
Carla: Hey, Eddie, you know, I really should be honest with you. I do have kids. Two.
Eddie LeBec: Well, I love kids.
Carla: Six.

Frasier: Well, Sam, that was my lawyer. He's managed to get the authorities to drop all the charges.
Norm: All right.
Sam: Okay. Got off scot-free, huh?
Frasier: Not exactly. It seems I have to undergo seven hours of psychological counseling.

Diane: Sorry I'm late. The first day of the trial went a little longer than I expected.
Sam: Oh, that's all right. Just grab an apron. We got the Bruins playing tonight. And the Eddie LeBec Fan Club is holding forth, led by President Carla Tortelli.
Diane: Right. Luck of the draw. I think I have gotten the most challenging and interesting case of the year.
Sam: Oh, that's great. Listen, do me a favor, will ya? Go upstairs and get me some change, please?
Diane: Fine. Of course, I can't discuss the details of the trial, but, oh, only if I could.
Sam: Quarters. Mostly quarters, yeah.
Diane: I can tell you that I've been chosen foreman of the jury.
Sam: Well, that's great. Yeah, listen, you do good with this change thing, and I'll make you captain of the bar.
Diane: Well, just as well that I'm leaving. I wouldn't want to slip and divulge too much information. Particularly in this case. Attempted murder. [chuckles] This is the last place I'd talk about it. Once I let something out, you'd all be prodding me endlessly for details.
Norm: Sammy, is Diane coming in today?
Sam: [chuckling] Yeah.