Frasier: Well, I've got to run home and be a father for about an hour.
Norm: Where's Lilith?
Frasier: Noted research psychologist Dr. Lilith Sternin Crane has a singing lesson.
Pete: Lilith sings?
Frasier: Well, it seems it's always bothered my dearheart that she cannot sing... As if that were her only character flaw. And now with the baby, she'd like to be able to sing him a lullaby without frightening four years of growth out of him.
Carla: Don't put Lilith down for wanting to sing. I think it's cool.
Frasier: You do?
Carla: Yeah. I remember when I was 14, I sang the lead in my school choir. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Yeah, it made me the most popular girl in school.
Frasier: Really?
Carla: Of course... I never wore anything under my robe.

Sam: Yo, Woody! Hey, Rebecca left a message for you about some... Terry who wants to meet with you about an ad in the paper.
Woody: Oh, yeah. I'm advertising for a roommate. My landlord just raised my rent.
Sam: Why don't you just move?
Woody: Are you kidding? I love my neighborhood. It's so quiet there. Especially since the gangs started using silencers.

Rebecca: [gasps] Oh. Oh.
Sam: What? What are you looking at?
Rebecca: It's Robin Colcord and that little tramp he's been seeing.
Carla: Oh, there's a picture of you in the paper?

Rebecca: No. It's that little charge d'affaires from the French consulate.
Frasier: Rebecca, I must tell you, this is not a healthy relationship you're in. I mean, stuck in a runoff with another woman for Robin Colcord's affections... it's demeaning. Although it's nothing compared to what I'd do to have this exquisite creature grind her heel into my forehead. My God!

Rebecca: I hate her. I wish she was dead. What is she doing here? This is my town.
Sam: Jean Marie is here for some Franco-American trade celebration. All of Boston's elite is going to be there.
Rebecca: Plus one frog slut.

Rebecca: Sam, did you see Jean Marie last night? What was she like?
Sam: [chuckles] Oh, Rebecca... Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rebecca: Quit thanking me and just give me details.
Sam: Uh, there are no details. Well, she did kind of detail me, I guess. [guys cheer]
Rebecca: What? You slept with her?
Sam: Oh, get real. Who could sleep with all that sex going on?
Rebecca: You pig! How was she? Was she good or was she bad? Please tell me she was bad.
Sam: Well, let me put it to you this way. Imagine all the nuclear warheads in the world going off all at the same time, exactly when the sun explodes.
Norm: Yeah?
Sam: Big deal.

Rebecca: So what did she do that was so special? I mean, I know a lot of things.
Sam: Honey, she's a little beyond the Ann Landers Petting Guide.
Rebecca: So what was it that she did?
Sam: Uh, I don't think I can tell you exactly what she did... Or how or when. You know, I suppose I could show you.
Rebecca: Oh, God.
Sam: What?
Rebecca: Forget it. I'm sure I'm going to go to bed with you so I can see how some stupid French girl makes love.
Sam: Hey, I was just thinking about you, you know? Maybe I could pass on a few secrets of what made it the most incredible night of sex I've ever had. Remember, I was a ball player.

Cliff: Uh, Sammy, come on. Tell us the rest of the stuff, huh?
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry, guys. Actually, I never met Jean Marie. The water main broke in the grand ballroom. They canceled the whole party.
Norm: Wait a second now. You just made up all that sex stuff?
Sam: [chuckles] Yeah.
Cliff: Sam. Sam, all the other sex stuff that you've told us, you know, through the years... That's all true, right?
Sam: Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Norm: 'Cause our lives pretty much revolve around those stories.
Sam: I know that, fellas. I know.

Carla: I just want to know one thing. If none of this hot sex stuff with Jean Marie ever really happened, then why are you torturing Rebecca with it?
Sam: Gee, knowing me, there must be some reason.
Cliff: Oh, he's got a reason.
Norm: Here it comes. Here it comes.
Sam: You don't suppose it could be that I know how insecure Rebecca feels about her sexuality, or how inferior she feels to this Jean Marie girl, or to what lengths she might go to acquire... How shall I say this... Uh, French lessons from Monsieur Sammy?
Norm & Cliff: Ah.
Frasier: You know, Sam, I think you've tried some pretty inane things to seduce Rebecca. But this one doesn't even have a toehold on reality. Do you really think she's that insecure about Robin's affections that she would actually go to bed with you just to learn Jean Marie's erotic secrets, hmm?
Rebecca: Sam, could I see you in my office privately?
Sam: Sure, honey. [to Frasier] Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, way off base. Gentlemen, I think Sammy Company is about to invade France. [the guys hum "La Marseillaise"]

Frasier: Woody, I'll have a cup of java and an iced tea for... What did you say your name was again? Uh, Liza Minnelli?
Lilith: Why all this resentment over my singing lessons? Is it jealousy over my desire to strengthen the mother-child bond, reluctance to part with even a few hours of your precious freedom, or is it merely that you're a jerk?