Esther Clavin: It was a lovely service. And, Diane, your choice of poem was wonderful.
Diane: Thank you. I just wish I hadn't been cut off right in the middle.
Carla: We had to. The eternal flame was starting to go out.

Woody: Hey, Mr. Clavin's back.
Cliff: Whatta you say, Woody?
Woody: How was your trip to Expo?
Cliff: Oh, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I tell ya. You know, no ears have heard, no eyes have seen the wonders I've experienced these past two weeks in Canada. If I died right now, I'd be a happy person.
Carla: You wouldn't be the only one.

Norm: So, uh, who's the geezer?
Woody: That's Mr. Fitzgerald. He's come in every day for the past two weeks and bought drinks for everybody.
Cliff: Yeah?
Woody: Gee, he's a heck of a guy.
Frasier: You know, I think, in many ways, Mr. Fitzgerald and I are alike. We both come here seeking warmth and camaraderie. A safe haven from the outside world. You know, a place where you can always feel welcome.
Paul: Excuse me, pal, you're on my stool.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

Cliff: Yeah, so, uh, you, uh, you live in the neighborhood?
Duncan: Well, I just moved here. I was originally from Michigan.
Cliff: The, uh, Wolverine State, huh? Interesting, interesting. So, I hear you're stinkin' rich.
Norm: Real smooth, Cliff. Very smooth. Uh, Fitz is actually kind of a minor celebrity, I guess. He invented a little something we call the, uh, the refill, right? Is that right? No, no, no, no. It wasn't the refill. It was...
Duncan: The metal vapor input valve. It's, uh, used on most, uh, commercial and military jet engines.
Cliff: Oh, yeah. I never step on a plane without lookin' right out on that wing and see if there's one out there.
Duncan: Actually, it's located in the tail.
Cliff: Uh, well, yeah, yeah. It's, uh, 'cause if ya saw it on the wing, then you'd know you were in a lot of trouble, huh?

Cliff: Well, look who's here. Ma, I'd like you to meet a dear, dear, old, very close friend of mine. Mr. Fitzgerald, this is my ma, Esther Clavin.
Duncan: Nice to meet you.
Cliff: Duncan here's originally from Michigan, Ma.
Esther Clavin: Oh.
Cliff: Here, have a seat. Yeah, my ma's been to your home state.
Duncan: Oh, really?
Esther Clavin: No, I've been to Maine and Montana, but not Michigan.
Cliff: [forced laugh] Isn't that fascinating, huh?
Esther Clavin: Perhaps, if you live in a cave.
Cliff: [laughs] Isn't she a firecracker?

Sam: Uh, say, Mrs. Clavin, uh, did you know that Fitz over there invented a technical gizmo on jet airplanes?
Esther Clavin: Oh, really?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, what a coincidence, huh, Ma? You've, uh, you've ridden in jet planes before, haven't you?
Esther Clavin: No, I walked to Montana.

Cliff: Hey, Sammy! Have you heard the latest in the, uh, Ma-Fitz romance?
Sam: No, no. What's goin' on?
Cliff: Yeah, they're celebratin' their first week together with a picnic on the Charles.
Sam: Whoa, the Charles! Boy, that's the make-out capital of the world. And if he does as well as I do, there's gonna be a lotta panting and rolling around... [off Cliff's look] And shopping. There's a mall right next to the Charles.

Cliff: Giving money away?
Duncan: Actually it was your mother's idea.
Cliff: Ma's?
Esther Clavin: I didn't want Duncan to have any doubts about my feelings.
Cliff: How are you two gonna live?
Duncan: Well, I'm not gonna give it all away. I'll keep enough for the two of us to be comfortable. We're simple people, we don't need much to live.
Esther Clavin: And you're self-sufficient, not to mention that postal pension you're always bragging about.

Cliff: I guess I just forgot how much Ma means to me. Yeah, I'll have the party for her sake. It'll just have to be the economy version. You know, no frills.
Sam: Well, if it'll help out, we'll close the bar early, and you can have it here.
Cliff: Why, thank you, Samuel. That's very nice of you. Hey! Hey, wait a second. Who knows, when Fitz sees what a nice guy I am, maybe he'll, uh, remember me in his will.
Carla: Yeah. "To the idiot son of my new wife, I leave squat."

Woody: Uh, Mr. Clavin, some of your guests have been asking if they can take the plastic wrap off the food.
Cliff: Huh. Don't they understand? When food is exposed to air, just about anything can happen.
Norm: Yeah, people could eat it.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny, wise guy. Oink, oink, Mr. Peterson. Let's have a little restraint. This food's got to last us the rest of the night.