‘Love Me, Love My Car’
Season 11, Episode 11 - Aired December 17, 1992
Sam has a chance to be reunited with his Corvette when the owner's widow, Susan (Dana Delany), turns up at the bar. Meanwhile, Woody's parents send him a pig for Christmas dinner.
Quote from Sam
Carla: Whoa, Sammy, what's up? You're breaking out the good stuff.
Sam: Yeah. Susan's coming over again.
Frasier: So, Sam, how are things between you and Susan?
Sam: Oh, uh, you know, pretty good, pretty good. You know, I take her out, we talk. We talk about school, about Kirby, life. You know, everything under the sun. Funny thing is, the more we talk, the more she likes me. The more she likes me, the more she trusts me. And the more she trusts me, the closer I get to snagging that car.
Frasier: Did anyone else's blood just run cold?
Sam: Oh, come on. I'm not doing anything wrong here. Give me a break, man. You know, I'm helping her out, as a matter of fact. She's going through some pretty difficult times. I'm taking her mind off of it.
Frasier: In other words, you deserve that car.
Sam: Well, I didn't want to say it, but I'm glad someone sees it my way, yeah.
Quote from Woody
Woody: Hey, listen, uh, my folks sent me a Christmas ham, and I wanted to surprise Kelly, so I'm putting him in your office till the last minute. Is that all right?
Sam: Fine with me. Sure it will keep?
Woody: Oh, sure.
[As Sam goes into his office, a small pig runs out]
Woody: Unless some city boy lets him out.
Quote from Sam
Susan: Excuse me. I'm looking for Sam Malone.
Sam: I'm Sam. What can I do for you?
Susan: Oh. I'm, uh, Susan Methany. My husband Kirby bought your Corvette. [glass clinking] You- You've seen my Corvette? Is it parked outside right now? Wait. Oh, how is she? How's she doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me- Let me get my shammy from the office here!
Susan: No! Mr. Malone, it- It's not here. I just came here to ask a few questions about it.
Sam: Oh. Oh. I'm sorry. I got a little carried away.
Susan: You see, um, Kirby passed away a couple months ago.
Sam: Oh. Well, that is bad news. It wasn't a car crash, was it?
Susan: Oh, no, no. It- It was a heart attack.
Sam: Oh, thank God. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, thank God that he's, uh, not suffering anymore. I'm sorry. That came out wrong.
Quote from Sam
Sam: Um boy, that must be really tough on you right now, huh?
Susan: Well, it's been a little rough, but I'm getting over it.
Sam: Yeah.
Susan: And part of getting over it is dealing with all the details, like the car.
Sam: Oh.
Susan: My lawyer says I need the vehicle ID number, and I can't find it.
Sam: That's U510593947-D. Oh, I'm sorry. What am I doing? Let me- Let me write this down for you. Although l, uh, do have kind of a cute way of remembering this. Uh, I made up a little song. Want to hear it?
Susan: Yeah. l- l'm a kindergarten teacher. I get my fill of cute little songs.
Sam: All right.
Susan: Maybe you could just write it down.
Quote from Sam
Sam: So, what are you gonna do with the car?
Susan: Um, I don't know. I- I was just keeping it in the garage. I'm perfectly happy driving my Volkswagen.
Sam: Excuse me. Is that garage heated?
Susan: Oh, yes, yes. Kirby insisted. He was a little nuts about the car, sweet as he was.
Quote from Woody
Sam: [quietly] Hey, fellas. [laughs] You know that guy Kirby who, uh, bought my Corvette? Dead. Yeah.
Woody: Sorry, I can't be happy for you, Sam. I didn't know him like you did.
Quote from Sam
Susan: Thanks, Mr. Malone. I won't bother you anymore.
Sam: Oh, uh, hold on one second, there. Let me just, uh... Don't know how to say this, but, uh, I can only imagine what you're going through and everything at this point. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I'm a bartender, and that's what I'm paid to do. I listen.
Susan: Well, thank you. That's nice of you.
Sam: Yeah. Actually, you know, what the heck. I got a break right now. You want to take a walk in the park, maybe, and just talk?
Susan: All right, I'd like that.
Sam: Great, all right.
Susan: It'd be nice talking to someone who's not six years old.
Sam: Yeah, I'll bet. [giddy] I'm getting my car back!
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: You are such a good boy. [pig snorts] Yes, you are! Yes, you did, you used your litter box again! Oh, he would make the best pet. Hey, Woody, would you consider selling him?
Woody: No, but I'll share him.
Rebecca: You will?
Woody: Sure. The day after Christmas, I'll bring you some sandwiches.
Rebecca: Woody, why would you say things like that?
Woody: Miss Howe, I think you're getting a little too attached to this pig.
Rebecca: I am not, am l, Snuffles? No, I'm not getting too attached to you.
Quote from Norm
Norm: All right! Well, let's celebrate, huh? This calls for a round on the house.
Sam: No, no, no, I haven't gotten the car quite yet, Norm.
Cliff: You're severely off your game, my friend.
Norm: Game? You call this a game?
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: [singsongy] Where is Aunt Carla? There's Aunt Carla. Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?
Carla: Yeah. He's gonna make a nice football. [whispering] What are you gonna do?
Rebecca: I'm gonna save a life. I'm gonna drive Snuffles way out in the country and give him his freedom. He'll be free! Free, I tell you! And he'll always remember the person who gave him his freedom... Rebecca Howe. This is the best thing I've ever done. [exits]
Carla: I don't mind saying, that is one screwed up broad.