Kelly: Carla, I need to ask you some questions for my paper, since you're my co-worker. How do you feel that the work experience has enriched your life?
Carla: It's given me varicose veins, stomach acid, lower back pain and a complete hatred for all mankind.
Kelly: That's great. And what would you say are the negative aspects?
Carla: Just do the dishes.
Kelly: Yeah. I hate that one, too. We have an Australian couple that do it at home.

Kelly: Woody, I'm so glad you're here. Grandmother can't wait to meet you.
Woody: And I can't wait to meet her, Kelly Gaines.
Kelly: Is he okay?
Sam: Yeah, he's fine. He's just, uh, been working 24 hours a day for the past four days.
Kelly: Is that a lot? I'm not part of the work force.

Carla: I know your date of birth and where you were born, but what I gotta know is what time you were born exactly.
Kelly: It was 8:00 in the morning.
Carla: Okay.
Kelly: I weighed seven pounds, three ounces. I had very fine hair and a tiny little birthmark on my shoulder. Daddy said it was the sweetest thing you've ever seen.
Carla: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kelly: Can you believe that sweet, innocent baby girl grew up and got it on with the Woodman this morning?
Carla: 8 am. Got it. Okay.

Kelly: Well, Mr. Missouri Synod, you demanded to see me?
Woody: Yeah, Kelly, uh, would you please sit down here? Something very important to tell you. Listen, uh, what's gone on these last few days has affected me very deeply. I love you, Kelly. That's why I'm now a member of The Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, just like you.
Kelly: Oh, Woody! You've saved our marriage! What a wonderful sacrifice. Now when we die and go to heaven, we won't be separated by barbed wire and barking dogs.

Sam: Say, Kelly, you go to a lot of those classical concert things, don't you? Do you really enjoy them?
Kelly: Oh, I love them, Sam. I just sit there and let my mind become a total blank.
Sam: How, how do you do that?
Kelly: How do I do what?
Sam: You have a nice dinner, Kelly. Why don't you order some protein, sweetheart.

Frasier: Well, Kelly, you must be very proud of your husband.
Kelly: Oh, yes, I certainly am, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Yes.
Kelly: You know, the city of Boston has lots of problems.
Frasier: Oh.
Kelly: I can't imagine what they might be, but I know Woody is the man to solve them.
Frasier: I hope you're right.
Kelly: After all, we have to make the town a safe place for little Woody Jr. to be driven through on his way to private school.
Frasier: An inspiring thought.

Kelly: This is for you.
Rebecca: For me? What is it? [gasps] Oh, Kelly, this is beautiful. Why me?
Kelly: Because I like you and you've always shown me friendship.
Rebecca: Well, that's sweet, Kelly. Thank you.
Kelly: And I want you to keep your hands off my man. Do we understand each other?
Rebecca: Not really.
Kelly: [laughs] Don't play dumb with me, Miss Howe. I invented it. You know, Woody tells me how you look at him.
Rebecca: Kelly, I don't look at him.
Kelly: I know you do, Miss Howe, and I'm prepared to buy you one of these every month if you keep away from my Woody.
Rebecca: Well, you know, Kelly, he is awfully cute.
Kelly: All right, one a week. Do we have a deal?
Rebecca: Deal.
Kelly: Do you know where Carla is?

Woody: Kelly, how can you do this? How can you marry Henri?
Kelly: Woody, it's just a little trick so he can stay in the country. It's nothing serious.
Henri: Exactly. We'll get married, go on our honeymoon, come back and get divorced.
Kelly: We're going on a honeymoon?! Oh, goody!
Henri: Oh, yes, we have to. The immigration people are very thorough. Sometimes they even bug the honeymoon suite to see if you are faking. Only you will not be faking.
Woody: Kelly, I'm telling you, I don't like this idea.
Kelly: Really?
Woody: No, not one bit.
Kelly: Sorry, Henri, but I guess I can't marry you because my boyfriend won't let me.

Henri: Very well. I... I understand. Woody loves you very, very much. So much that he is willing to snatch away my one chance to remain in my adopted homeland. [sings] Oh, beautiful [voice breaking] For spacious skies [talks] They really are spacious, you know!
Kelly: Look at him, Woody. Please let me marry him! Please, please, please!
Woody: Forget it. Kelly, I- I love you, and I don't want to see you with another man. I- I forbid you to marry Henri.
Kelly: Well, Mr. Woody Boyd, the mask has certainly come off. If you're so small-minded that my marrying another man makes you take a rude tone of voice... maybe you're not the man I want to marry right after I marry this man. Come on, Henri, we're leaving.

Justice of the Peace: And so, Kelly and Henri, by the authority vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you...
Sam: Whoa! All right, all right, all right, hey, whoa.
Kelly: Sam, what are you doing here?
Sam: I- I Well, I'm here, because there's a certain guy who loves you very much, honey, a lot more than Henri ever could, and someone I think that you have overlooked.
Kelly: Well, sure, Sam, there's always been a spark between you and me.