Sam: Boy. Got to be somebody in here with a brain. I mean, I don't even care if she's good-looking. You got a sister, Frasier?
Frasier: No.
Sam: You have a dress?
Frasier: What's the occasion?

Cliff: Hey, tutti-frutti and a rooti. Oh, boy, a good and gracious afternoon to every one of you wonderful people.
Norm: Oh, Cliffie, cheer up, bud.
Cliff: Eh, Normie, I'm a happy man. I started a new route today.
Norm: So, where is it?
Cliff: Uh, Meadowview Acres. You know, just north of the airport? It's a real plum. Yeah, best route in the city.
Norm: No one else wanted it, huh?
Cliff: [chuckling] Are you kidding? It's a nesting ground for stewardesses out there. Yeah, there's a house full of them, you know, living all together. And they're nuts about me.
Woody: Well, how do you know that, Mr. Clavin?
Cliff: Woody, they stand behind the curtain, laughing and giggling the way women do when they're taken with a man.

Cliff: Oh, hey, Carla, listen, if you're still, uh, searching out a new house, uh, I got a doozy out there on my route. I wrote out the, uh, particulars.
Carla: Give me this. "Meadowview Acres." I know where that is. I couldn't afford... Hey, this thing is in my price range. Which means it is either built on quicksand, or is currently on fire.
Cliff: Look, Carla, I looked at it and it looked all right to me.
Sam: Come on, Carla, check it out. What do you got to lose?
Carla: You really think I should?
Sam: Yeah, remember what your horoscope said today? "Take a chance, explore other avenues."
Carla: That's right! And you know what? That jives with my other two horoscopes, my tarot cards, and Madame Livinda's latest palm reading.

Cliff: Hey, there, Norm. Carla bought that house I told her about.
Norm: And she knew its history?
Sam: What, what do you mean?
Norm: Well, the asking price just seemed a little low for that area, so I did a little checking on my own.
Cliff: Oh, no. I don't think I want to hear this.
Norm: Yeah, apparently, the house is built directly over the graveyard of a 17th-century prison.
Diane: Oh, my God!
Norm: It wasn't exactly a white-collar prison, either. The worst murderers and cutthroats of their time. They executed hundreds of them. [Diane groans] Local legend has it that they're going to rise from the grave and seek revenge on whoever dares to live there. [Diane groans] Well, we all know how superstitious Carla is.
Cliff: Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
Carla: What's with him?
Norm: He, uh, forgot his dry cleaning.

Sam: I guess she doesn't know about it, huh?
Diane: Of course she doesn't know. Would you buy a house that had that kind of history? Houses have karmas.
Sam: Look at her; she's so happy.
Diane: But she has a right to know.
Norm: Well, I don't know. It's always dangerous to mess with Carla, but especially when she's happy. It's like when, uh, Frankenstein was playing with the little girl, you know? It was a bad time to go up to him with a torch.
Cliff: Yes, it's a terrible time; a terrible, terrible time.

Woody: You know, I get this feeling in my gut that something's bothering Carla. I'm going to find out what it is. Hey, uh, so, Carla, how's the house?
Carla: It's a great house! It's a wonderful house! It's the best house in the world! [angrily] Ooh!
Sam: What's the matter?
Carla: Nothing.
Sam: Did you find a problem after you moved in?
Carla: No 'cause I haven't actually moved in yet.
Diane: So you are bothered by the house's history?
Carla: Of course I'm bothered by it. I saw Poltergeist. Do you think I want to end up in the TV?

Carla: What are you two ding-a-lings doing here?
Cliff: Well, uh, we, uh, come to spend the night.
Norm: And, uh I brought you a little pizza with anchovies.
Carla: I hate anchovies.
Cliff: Yeah, me, too.
Norm: Then let's eat, huh?

Cliff: Hey, Carla, you know something? This is the, uh, first time we've ever been alone together.
Carla: Please, I'm eating.
Cliff: Can I ask you a question?
Carla: Who's stopping you?
Cliff: How come you're always getting on me?
Carla: Is it my fault you're such a yutz? And as long as we're asking questions, what are you doing here tonight?
Cliff: Well, having a little beer and a little pizza, and, uh... helping a friend through a scary night.
Carla: You think I'm scared? I'm not scared.
Cliff: No, Carla, look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Remember what, uh, Ernest Hemingway said...
Carla: Would you shut up?
Cliff: No, I think that was Jack London.

Cliff: Hey, you know, this is a, uh, nice place, Carla.
Norm: Yeah.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, hey, look. Great fireplace here, Normie.
Norm: Yeah. Super living room.
Cliff: Hey, you know, with a, uh, little fresh paint and some new wallpaper you'll have some, uh fresh paint and new wallpaper.

Diane: Sam, I happen to be free tonight. If a certain gentleman should come to knock on my door, say, about 7:30, I wouldn't be adverse to going out.
Sam: I sure hope you get lucky. Because I did; I got myself a hot date tonight.
Diane: I see what you're doing. Even though I eventually agreed to marry you, you're still smarting from the sting of my initial rejection and looking for ways to punish me.
Sam: No, I'm not going out with other women to punish you. That's just one of the perks.