Sam: Uh, excuse me. Um, I want to apologize for my behavior back there. I was led astray. Somebody told me that you were kind of a schnauzer.
Rebecca: Uh, Sam Malone.
Sam: Yes. Yes.
Rebecca: You're the gentleman that used to own this bar. Well, I heard you were sailing around the world.
Sam: Well, I was going to do that, but, uh, something kept pulling me back here, and I just couldn't figure out what it was, till now.
Rebecca: Which reminds me of the other thing I heard about you.
Sam: Oh, no... Wait, let me set the record straight here. There have been a lot of ridiculous, unbelievable rumors about my sexual prowess. I just want to tell you that most of them are right on the money.
Rebecca: You know, Mr. Malone, we've known each other only seconds, and I'm already tired of you.

Sam: Uh, w- w- wait a minute, wait a minute. I know you think you've had just about enough excitement for one day, but there's more. I'm back and I'm ready to jump behind the bar.
Rebecca: We're fully staffed, Mr. Malone. Jump somewhere else.
Sam: Uh, well, hold on a second. Can't we, uh, can't we discuss this?
Rebecca: We just did.
Sam: No, no, no, I meant someplace private where we could slip out of our things and say howdy.
Rebecca: I don't know if I find your come-ons disgusting or merely pathetic. I do know you're giving me a headache behind the eyes. It feels like a little insect boring into my brain.
Sam: Oh!

Rebecca: You didn't knock.
Sam: Habit. Oh, my God. Boy, this place doesn't even look like my office anymore.
Rebecca: Thank you; it wasn't easy.
Sam: How could you do this? I mean, you- you took away all the all the charm, all the warmth. Where's Dave?
Rebecca: "Dave"?
Sam: My moose head.
Rebecca: I set him free. If he really loves you, he'll come back.

Sam: You're not doing this out of pity, are you?
Rebecca: Pity?
Sam: Well, yeah. I I can't take this job if it's just pity.
Rebecca: It's not just pity. There are other things.
Sam: Oh. Well, good. Like what?
Rebecca: Like... It's pity.
Sam: Just pity?
Rebecca: Just pity.
Sam: No respect?
Rebecca: No.
Sam: No personal value? [Rebecca shakes her head] Do you like my shirt?
Rebecca: Actually, that's a great shirt.
Sam: Well, you know what they say. Uh, pity and a nice shirt, and the world's your oyster, huh?

Rebecca: Mr. Malone? May I speak with you a moment?
Sam: Sure, what's up, Becky?
Rebecca: I've just been in there thinking.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: You know, maybe I'm cutting off the bar's association with sports too quickly.
Sam: Oh, I don't know, Becks, I think you were right in the first place. Besides, l, uh, I don't think I could live on a relief bartender's salary.
Rebecca: Well, what if I made you full time?
Sam: I don't think I could survive on a full-time bartender's paycheck, either. Does that, uh, include all the usual perks: medical, dental, horizontal?
Rebecca: Mr. Malone, we can discuss the terms later. The important thing is that you come back to work here.
Sam: Oh, I don't know.
Rebecca: [lackluster] Please.
Sam: Since you're practically begging... Ha! Yeah, I guess I could take the job.

Tim: You know what I'm in the mood for?
Alan: Screaming Viking.
Patrons: [chant] Screaming Viking! Screaming Viking! Yeah, Screaming Viking. Screaming Viking! Screaming Viking!
Wayne: Miss Howe! I'm sorry. I gave it a shot. But obviously, I am not liked by the customers or the employees. Screaming Viking!
Al: I haven't been called that since my honeymoon.
Rebecca: Mr. Malone? May I see you in my office?
Sam: Yes, ma'am.
Norm: Whoo-hoo. Here's to the best Screaming Viking in town.
[As Rebecca heads over her office, she watches as the guys all take a sip of their "Screaming Vikings". As she goes inside, she quickly takes another look at the guys who are all sitting still and smiling at her. After Rebecca closes her office door, the guys all spit out the drink.]

Rebecca: But I want to make something very clear.
Sam: Okay.
Rebecca: You've just got one chance left.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: And as far as I'm concerned - again, in baseball-ese - it's the bottom of the ninth, you've got two outs, two strikes, and no balls.
Sam: Okay, all right. I'm still at the plate, though, right?
Rebecca: Right.

Wayne: I've never heard of that drink, and no one else has, either. This gentleman made it up.
Norm: Do I have to take my business else..?
Rebecca: No, please, sir.
Woody: Excuse me, Miss Howe, I can make that. You want the cucumber bruised?
Norm: Slightly.

Eddie LeBec: Sam around?
Woody: Oh, didn't you hear?
Eddie LeBec: No.
Woody: Sam sold the bar to some big corporation. Bought a boat. He's sailing around the world with it.
Eddie LeBec: Hey, well, good for Sam. Thought he was supposed to get married.
Woody: Well, Miss Chambers went off to write her book, only that didn't work out, and last we heard, she was out in Hollywood trying to write for TV. I'll bet whatever she comes up with, it'll be pretty darn good.
Eddie LeBec: [chuckling] I bet it will.

Sam: Can I ask you just one small favor?
Rebecca: What?
Sam: Can I see you smile?
Rebecca: Why?
Sam: You know, it'd just be a friendly gesture, to prove there are no hard feelings. Oh, come on, I bet you're the kind of girl that lights up a room when she smiles.
Rebecca: That's stupid.
Sam: I'll give you a little help. Watch this, watch this. Hmm. [Rebecca smiles after Sam pulls goofy faces] Gee, I was wrong.