Norm & Cliff: [chant] Polar Bear! Polar Bear! Polar Bear!
Paul: Hey, so you guys went for your little swim?
Cliff: Yeah, well, we drove down there, you know, we jumped into our bathing suits, uh, raced each other along the beach our feet hit the water...
Carla: And you chickened out, right?
Norm: Yeah, well, we prefer to think of it as coming to our senses just in time to save our goodies.

Sam: Hey, listen, uh, you don't have any advice for a guy who's about to start his family, do you?
Man: Well, you know, it's, like it's no big secret what you need to start a happy family. Love! You know, if a man and woman really love each other, they pass that love onto the kids, and they'll grow up strong and healthy.
Sam: Yeah, well, I mean, I know love's okay and everything, but, uh, you know, what about, uh, those other important things like friendship and a sense of humor?
Man: A sense of humor?
Sam: Yeah.
Man: What's that gonna get you? I mean, look at Martin and Lewis. They had a sense of humor. But were they happy?
Sam: No, they weren't.
Man: No, because it takes love.
Sam: You've got a lot of that, huh?
Man: Me? No, I can't stand my missus. It's been 20 years of living hell for me.
Boy #1: [o.s.] Hey look, it's Dad. What's the matter? Can't you even find your way back to the room, you stupid idiot.
Man: Those are the kids.
Boy #2: [o.s.] Come on, Dad, move your fat ass, and give me 50 bucks for the arcade.
Man: On my good days, l, uh, pray for death. Good luck to you, son. You're gonna need it. [Sam closes the door]
Sam: Eh. I bet that wouldn't have happened if he'd named one of his kids Sam.

[fantasy:]
Sam: Don't you use that word "love." Love has nothing to do with this relationship!
Rebecca: I will use any word I want in this house! Love! Love, love, love, love, love, love, love!
Sam: You foul-mouthed barren tramp!
Rebecca: Half man! Half man! [they spar]
Sam: Enough foreplay for you?
Rebecca: Yeah. Turn off the light.
Sam: I've got a poker game on that table in five minutes. You'd better make it quick.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, that's gonna be tough with you.

Rebecca: Sam! What are you doing?!
Sam: I'm working. What does it look like I'm doing?
Rebecca: Well, excuse me, but this is the 12th!
Sam: Yeah. Well, I work on the 12th.
Rebecca: Well I ovulate on the 12th!
Sam: How was I supposed to know that?
Norm: We all knew it. It's in the newsletter.
Rebecca: Sam, just finish up whatever you're doing, and let's get pregnant.
Cliff: Boy, that's what I like about Rebecca. She's just an old-fashioned girl, isn't she?

Woody: Boy, you two sure argue a lot for two people who aren't in love but want to have a baby. I mean, I don't know, maybe that's normal for two people who aren't in love but want to have a baby. I wouldn't know. I've never known anyone who wasn't in love but wanted to have a baby.
Rebecca: Woody, shut up!
Woody: Hey, don't get me caught in your sick web.

Sam: Come here, come here, hey, just- just relax. Remember what the doctor said? You know, how stress can keep you from conceiving. Well, all- all we do nowadays is fight.
Rebecca: Oh, shut up!
Sam: No, you shut up!
Rebecca: No, you shut up!
Sam: You shut up!
Rebecca: Shut me up! [shouting] Shut up!
Sam: This is what I'm talking about. This is stress.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah? Well, you've got ten minutes to get yourself together and get your bad attitude in order and get over to my place and we're gonna make a cute little baby! [exits]
Sam: I hate her.

Lilith: Frasier, we have a problem. I've just gotten off the phone with Frederick's teacher, who informs me that your son has come down with a case of chicken pox.
Frasier: No! I'm not giving up my nonrefundable getaway weekend!
Lilith: Frasier, your child is ill.
Frasier: [sighing] Oh, you're right, of course you're right. I'm- l'm ashamed.
Lilith: And deservedly so. Shall we?
Frasier: I'm on my way. Well, friends, I've discovered a new way of getting over the winter blues. Instead of enjoying a luxury weekend being coddled in a four-star hotel, I'll be bathing an itchy, whiney two-year old in oatmeal.

Cliff: Hey, everybody. Woody, uh, set me up with a beer, will you?
Woody: Well, aren't you gonna finish your mail route, Mr. Clavin?
Cliff: Are you kidding? There's too much snow and sleet out there. Besides it's getting a little dark.
Paul: I don't blame you, Cliff, I hate going out in this weather.
Carla: Hmm. Yeah, you guys are a bunch of whining, complaining weenies.
Cliff: What, you like this weather?
Carla: Oh, is that the topic?

Sam: Whoa! Three bucks for a lousy pack of gum.
Rebecca: [o.s.] Sam, get away from the honor bar.
Sam: Honor bar? Oh. [grabs some items from the bar]

Sam: Hey, sweetheart, what do you think? If it's a boy, we name it Sam?
Rebecca: [o.s.] Oh, I don't know. You know, I always thought that naming your child after yourself was like saying you want him to grow up to be just like you, to like the things you like, to act the way you do.
Sam: Okay, Sam it is.