Cliff: Well, at least some of us looked good out there, huh?
Alan: Yeah, Cliff, the less of your face showing, the better.
Diane: Oh, listen to yourselves. You're letting a minor setback in some trivial competition ruin what is an otherwise lovely day. Forget it, Sam.
Sam: You just don't get it, do you? It's not just that the guys from Gary's beat us at basketball, volleyball, darts and every other sport known to mankind. It's more than that. I'm a jock. This is a jock bar, but if we keep losing, all the jocks are gonna say, "Hey, Cheers is for losers. Let's go drink over at Gary's."
Diane: Oh, they'll never say that. They'll say, "Me no like Cheers. Let's go to Gary's."

Sam: Bowling?
Carla: Don't worry. I got this theory, Sam. You see, all of those other sports required real athletic ability, but with bowling, we got the makings of a great team!
Sam: Oh, Carla, I-
Carla: Oh, listen, listen! You go to any bowling alley, what do you see? A bunch of out-of-shape couch potatoes who do nothing but sit around and swill beer.
Norm: All right, we're number one!

Sam: Come on, Woody. Listen, man, I've never begged for anything in my life... [Diane clears her throat]... that I actually enjoyed once I got it. Come on. Please. Come on, join the team here.

Woody: I can't! Since the accident, I haven't been able to set foot in a bowling alley.
Sam: Well, why don't you just try it today. Maybe the memory's faded. You don't understand what's at stake.
Woody: Can't you hear me? No!
Norm: Sammy, I'll take a crack at him here. [to Woody] Listen to me, all right? Now, every once in a while you just gotta look beyond yourself, okay? And think about the team. Like my old high school football coach used to always say: "Give the ball to Peterson. He'll know what to do with it." But, hey, I didn't want that responsibility, but for the good of the team, you understand, I took it. We went ahead and we had a great season.
Woody: Were you the fullback, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, I was the equipment manager. But that's not my point.

Gary's team: [chant] Old Towne Tavern! Old Towne Tavern! Old Towne Tavern! Old Towne Tavern!
Gary: Quiet, you guys. Let's show our worthy opponent a little courtesy.
Carla: Back off, buster, or I'll put Vaseline in your finger holes.
Gary: Just try to touch my ball.
Carla: I'm talking about your nose.

Sam: Hey, Tawny, has anyone ever told you you make even bowling shoes look sexy?
Carla: Don't you ever stop? You're fraternizing with the enemy.
Sam: No, I'm just trying to distract her here so she won't know what to do. A little wink, a sexy nod, and a glimpse of these taut athletic buns. Oh, wait a second here, Tawny. Oh, what's this?
[Tawny scores a strike]
Carla: I think your butt needs a tune-up.

Sam: All right, all of you in favor of saving what shred of dignity we have left and sneaking out of here, raise your hands. That's one-
Carla: [to Norm] Hey, how come you voted? You're not even playing.
Norm: I thought we were ordering pizza.

Diane: Oh, excuse me. Continue celebrating. Huzzah, huzzah.

Diane: It was a great win, wasn't it, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, it was. Thanks to you.
Diane: Oh, don't thank me. I've been amply rewarded just seeing how well you're taking this. The old Sam Malone would have died before letting a woman salvage his athletic pride. [Sam chuckles] You've grown.
Sam: You know something? I think I have. Oh, by the way. Tawny wasn't the only one looking sexy out there in bowling shoes.
Diane: Well, thank you.
Sam: No, oh, no, no. I was talking about me. You know, I'm surprised you didn't mention something. No, seriously, seriously. Great form out there.
Diane: Thank you.
Sam: No, no, I was still talking about me. All right, all jokes aside here, thank you very much for helping me beat Gary.
Diane: Well, I was getting tired of listening to some ignorant blowhard take himself and some stupid competition so seriously.
Sam: Boy, he really does that, doesn't he?
Diane: No, I was talking about you.

Norm: Hey, really, I don't think we played so bad, you know.
Carla: Oh, listen to Mr. Gold Glove over here.
Norm: Come on! Yeah?
Carla: You drew more flies than bad liver.
Norm: Oh, give me a break!
Carla: The only thing more amazing than that was you dropped every one of them.
Norm: Come on, will you. I just have a little problem with balls hit directly at me. The... I think it's probably the sun, you know, or that I can't bend over.