Frasier: A Scotch, please, Sam. And how about a beer for my friend Norm there?
Norm: Thank you, Fras. You're certainly in a chipper mood today.
Frasier: And why not? It's a beautiful day.
Sam: Yeah, good for you. You know, it's amazing how fast you've gotten over your separation.
Frasier: Well, a healthy mental attitude, that's my secret. Without that, you're nothing.
Sam: Ah, that's great, that's great. You're completely over Lilith.
Frasier: I'm sorry, who?
Sam: Lilith, your wife.
Frasier: Never heard of the slut.

John: Frankly, Miss Tortelli, I don't know why you're here. My doctor informs me I have to remain celibate for the next eight weeks.
Carla: Hey, don't insult me, Hill! You think that sex is all I have on my mind? There are other facets to my personality. Eight weeks? Well, anyway, look, I just came here because I wanted to apologize. Last night, before this happened, I said this thing to you, and, um, I just wanted you to know that this thing I said... Eight weeks?!

Frasier: You know, Cliff's pulled some pretty crazy stunts through the years, but this is really starting to get me worried.
Tim: Yeah, maybe Cliff is really going over the edge here.
Woody: Gentlemen, if I may be the voice of reason, what if it is Hitler? [door opens]
Cliff: [enters] Woody, I heard every word you said. Thanks for being in my corner, pal. [exits]
Woody: I knew he was listening. Now, when he snaps, maybe he'll spare me.

Mr. Cranston: Clavin, don't you try to hide from me! I'm here to inform you we held a tenants meeting last night.
Cliff: Uh, I wasn't invited.
Mr. Cranston: We never invite you when it's about you.
Cliff: Was Hitler there?
Mr. Cranston: Yes, Hitler was there or Mr. O'Leary as he's known to us on Planet Earth.
Cliff: Yeah, what was the meeting about?
Mr. Cranston: Well, I intended to have you evicted. You've done some strange things in your time, Clavin, but this is the worst! You're harassing an old man!
Cliff: Who may well be the most hated and feared figure of the twentieth century.
Mr. Cranston: Well, at least he's not one of those noisy teens.
Cliff: Well, that's true.

Norm: Well, I'm gonna head up to Melville's, see if they've got another fish fry going today.
Paul: Hey, actually, Norm, you ought to be careful, you know. I think you were just lucky yesterday that you didn't get really sick.
Norm: Who said I didn't get sick?

Frasier: Please, sit down. What I'm about to tell you may be a little difficult to hear.
Carla: Oh, my God.
Frasier: And before I tell you what it is, I just want you to know that we are all your friends and we support you.
Carla: What is it?
Frasier: Carla, John Hill has had a heart attack.
Carla: Oh, my God. Hill had a heart attack? John Allen Hill had a heart attack? [laughing] That's what you were trying to tell me? From the way you were acting, I thought something happened to my car.
Frasier: Carla, you knew?
Carla: Of course I knew. I'm the one who called the ambulance.
Frasier: Oh, well, then you were there. W-W-What, what happened?
Carla: Well, Hill and I were in the middle of doing it. Next thing I know, he's clutching his chest and turning blue. I took it as a compliment till he fell to the floor.

Rebecca: Sam, she doesn't know about Hill yet. What are we going to do? This is going to crush her.
Sam: Oh, all right, I'll, uh, I'll tell her.
Frasier: Sam, news of this gravity should be delivered by someone who has studied the human psyche in great detail. Someone who has tact, compassion, and an understanding of the human heart.
Woody: Okay, Dr. Crane, I'll do it, but you've got to deliver this martini. Carla!
Frasier: Woody.
Woody: What?
Frasier: I was referring to myself.
Woody: Oh, right. [muttering] Calling Dr. Von Ego.

Carla: I'm so ashamed. I called Hill my boyfriend. What's wrong with me?
Frasier: Carla, you've come down with a bad case of humanity. A malady characterized by bouts of compassion, warmth and caring. I mean, who knows, this sort of thing could go on for the rest of your life.
Carla: Shut up, fathead!
Frasier: Or it could pass in a matter of seconds.

Mr. Cranston: As I was saying, I was gonna boot you out, but your mother made a stirring speech in your defence. By the time she finished reading that passage from the Bible, we were all in tears.
Cliff: Even Hitler?
Mr. Cranston: Even Hitler. Oh, Mr. O'Leary. Now I will allow you to stay, if you apologize to him and promise not to pursue this matter any further. Now do I have your word?
Cliff: Yeah, okay. I promise. So just don't boot us out, all right?
Mr. Cranston: Agreed.
Cliff: Well, thank you. You know, I- I know I get out of hand occasionally. I've got all this pent-up energy, a lot of time on my hands. You know, uh, I'm Civil Service.
Mr. Cranston: Well, that explains it. I will let you off with a warning this time, Clavin.
Cliff: Does this mean I can go back in the laundry room?
Mr. Cranston: No. That's a whole separate thing.

Carla: Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, because I think it's probably what caused your heart attack.
John: It was quite a shock. I don't think anyone's ever said it to me before.
Carla: No one? Not even your daughter?
John: Well, it never really came up.
Carla: You had a wife.
John: Well, she and I had an understanding.
Carla: Your parents?
John: The point is, Miss Tortelli, I'm not exactly a cuddle bear.