‘Don't Paint Your Chickens’
Season 7, Episode 15 - Aired February 23, 1989
After getting nowhere with corporate, Rebecca uses her marketing expertise to improve Norm's painting business. Meanwhile, Sam gets a different kind of workout when he dates a fitness fanatic.
Quote from Rebecca
Mr. Anawalt: You think you could handle a triple-raise in salary?
Rebecca: Oh, yes, sir.
Mr. Anawalt: You think you could handle an executive position with my marketing team?
Rebecca: Yes, sir.
Mr. Anawalt: Think you could start Monday?
Rebecca: Yes, sir.
Mr. Anawalt: Welcome aboard.
Rebecca: Oh, yes, sir. Sir, th- This is a dream come true for me. [knocking at door]
Mr. Anawalt: Yes?
Agent Adams: FBI. Mr. Anawalt, you're under arrest.
Mr. Anawalt: What's the charge?
Agent Adams: Insider trading. Come on, let's go. Take him downtown.
Rebecca: No!
Agent Adams: Read him his rights. Get those files.
Rebecca: You can't do this. This man is innocent.
Mr. Anawalt: No, they have me dead to rights.
Rebecca: Oh. Mr. Anawalt. Mr. Anawalt. I'll wait for you, sir. I'll be standing right here, waiting for you. [thunder crashes] I think I am the unluckiest person on earth. [rain pattering]
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: Anyway... All right. All successful businesses and products have logos. Now, I have come up with the perfect, delightful, charming little character to symbolize 4-A Painting.
Norm: It's a lizard.
Rebecca: No, it's Carl Chameleon. Now, like all chameleons, Carl changes colors. And so should your house. When you think of color change think of Carl and 4-A Painting.
Norm: That sure makes my old symbol seem like nothing.
Cliff: What was your old symbol?
Norm: Nothing.
Quote from Rebecca
Mr. Anawalt: Now, Miss Harris, I hear you're looking for a job with the company.
Rebecca: My name's Miss Howe and I already work for the company.
Mr. Anawalt: Then everything's settled, show yourself out.
Rebecca: But- But- But- But I had something to say.
Mr. Anawalt: Make it quick.
Rebecca: Mr. Anawalt, I have worked for this company for six years now. For four of those, I didn't get a raise. Now not less than 36 people have passed me on the corporate ladder. [Norm appears in the window on a window-cleaning boom with a sign reading "No Job"] Oh, my God.
Mrs. Rosenbush: What's that?
Rebecca: Evidently, an out-of-work window washer.
Mrs. Rosenbush: Well, you have to admire his initiative.
Quote from Rebecca
Rebecca: Life is hot and so am l. [makes sizzling noise]
Woody: Miss Howe, phone for you. Should I take a message?
Rebecca: Just do it, babe. That's my motto. Women on the rise make calls, they don't take calls.
Woody: Miss Howe, guess who's the new director of advertising.
Rebecca: Oh, God, really?
Woody: That's right, Henry Weinberg. You know him?
Rebecca: Henry "5'3'-too-stupid-to-shake-the-dandruff- off-his-glasses" Weinberg?
Woody: They didn't mention his middle name.
Rebecca: Well! There is some crap up with which I will not put. Well, I guess with 4-A on the verge of making a breakthrough, this is just the kick in the pants I needed. I am going to go up to corporate headquarters, I'm going to go to the top floor, and I am going to tell the CEO himself what I think of him and his stinky company.
Norm: Whoa, no, Rebecca, don't you think you ought to wait till we have at least two jobs?
Rebecca: No. I believe in you, Norm. I believe in me. I'm doing it, babe. That's still my motto. [finds Sam laying in the doorway] Excuse me, Sam.
Quote from Sam
Sam: Nothing like bicycling to clean the garbage out of your system. Coffee, Woody.
Woody: How do you want it, Sam?
Sam: Uh, straight, no cream, no sugar. Oh, what the hell, forget the water, just give me a handful of grounds.
Cliff: Hey, uh, Sammy, the old Erin machine's really tuckering you out, huh?
Sam: No, no, I'm fine. I just need a little something to pick me up here.
Carla: How about six pallbearers?
Sam: You guys are just jealous because I'm toning and you're not. I am buff. I mean I am discovering muscles I didn't even know I had. [twitches] Oh! There's one.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Thank you, Carla. Now, I call the piece "Ingmar Bergman: Poet of the Subconscious." The films of Ingmar Bergman-
Norm: Boy, who could forget her in Casablanca, huh?
Frasier: No, no. No, you're thinking of Ingrid Bergman. I'm talking about Ingmar Bergman.
Woody: Ingmar Bergman, the boxer?
Cliff: No, Woody, you're thinking of Ingmar Johansson.
Sam: You mean the guy who knocked out Floyd Patterson?
Norm: No, no, no. Sonny Liston knocked out Patterson.
Pete: Well, then who knocked out Johansson?
Norm: Patterson.
Steve: Before Liston?
Norm: No, no, Johansson knocked out Liston.
Cliff: Who knocked out Patterson?
Woody: Was it Ingrid Bergman?
Pete: No, Ingrid Bergman-
Frasier: Shut up! Shut up! Not one more word. I came in here to discuss Ingmar Bergman, not start an Abbott and Costello routine.
Norm: Actually, I thought it was more like Martin and Lewis, wasn't it?
Sam: You mean Joe Louis?
Cliff: Oh, he's the one who knocked out Floyd Patterson.
Woody: Then who knocked out Lou Costello?
Frasier: Apparently, Ingrid Bergman.
Woody: Boy, she was tougher than she looked.
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Where's Rebecca? I haven't seen her all day.
Carla: She's down at one of her power meetings at corporate.
Cliff: Oh, yeah?
Carla: Yeah, she must be really trying to impress a biggie. She was already puckering up before she even hit the door.
Cliff: Boy, these corporate types... Down at the post office, I kneel for nobody.
Frasier: Hmm. Well, we'll all bear that in mind, Cliff, whenever we desire to have a job where you have to wake up at 4:00 in the morning, walk a 15-mile route, and make a minimal base salary.
Cliff: Hey, hey, hey. It's not that easy, pal. You got to take a test.
Quote from Carla
Cliff: Oh, my God. I've died and gone to heaven.
Carla: We wish.
Cliff: Shouldn't somebody alert Sammy?
Carla: Ah, he knows. He can sense these things. I'm going to give him, three, two, one.
[a moment later, as the woman stretches by the bar:]
Sam: [opens door] Where is she?
Carla: He's slowing down, but he's still got it.
Sam: Hey, give me a break, will ya? There are lead pipes down there. Interferes with the radar.
Quote from Woody
Woody: Hey, Sam, that girl's going out with you just 'cause you let her hit you?
Sam: No, she's going out with me because I'm a lean, tight specimen hunk.
Woody: [guffawing] No, really, Sam.
Sam: Woody, I'm trying to teach you something here. Listen, they go for it every time. You ought to try it someday.
Woody: All right, for the sake of argument, I will.
Sam: Yeah.
Woody: All right, here. Excuse me. Would you consider going out with me?
Woman: I really don't think so.
Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, what if I told you you could punch that guy right there in the stomach? [Sam whispers in Woody's ear] [Woody scoffs] Oh, yeah, right, Sam, my stomach. What do you think I am, stupid?
Quote from Woody
Rebecca: I got some terrific ideas for 4-A Painting.
Norm: That's what you're going to call the company, huh?
Rebecca: Yeah, it's an old marketing secret. It puts our name first in the phone book.
Cliff: How come 4A? Why not 3A?
Rebecca: Because that's the Auto Club.
Woody: Wow, they got jumper cables and they paint houses? I've got to join that club.
Rebecca: Woody, this is a business meeting.
Woody: Sorry! Next time, I'll wear a suit.