Cliff: Hey, Normie? You feel like doing something adventurous tonight?
Norm: I'm already doing that, Cliffie. Vera's trying on a new facial mask this evening, and I kind of wanna rush home and watch it crack.

Sam: Carla, it's for you.
Carla: Who is it?
Sam: I don't know. It's one of your daughters.
Carla: Which one?
Sam: I couldn't tell. It sounded like, "Humanity."
Carla: Oh, it's Anne Marie. She's wearing a retainer on her teeth, and she's feeling a little insecure. [takes the phone] Anne Marie? No, I didn't know it was you from your ugly voice. Hon, no. Anne Marie, people are not gonna make fun of you every time you open your mouth. Honey, your family are not people. Yeah, right, goodbye.

Sam: Hey, man, where's this relief waitress you hired?
Woody: Oh, don't worry, Sam, she's a great waitress, a complete professional.
Sam: Well, how come she's not here?
Woody: Well, she called and said she'd be about 20 minutes late. She wants to get in all her breaks before she starts. Oh, there she is. Hey, Corinne, over here.
Sam: When you asked them for a waitress, did you tell them this was a bar, not a truck stop?
Corinne: Hi, honey. Is this it?
Woody: Yep, Corinne, this is my boss, Sam Malone.
Corinne: Hi, honey. Just give me some checks and we're all set.
Sam: Okay, Woody, why don't you show her where they are?
Woody: It's right down here.
Corinne: Would you look at the size of this place? My dogs'll be barking tonight.

Sam: [to Woody] Hey, listen, thanks for helping out. From now on let me pick the waitresses. My customers are used to something with a little more sex appeal.
Al: Sam. Where'd you get the fox?

Diane: Poor kid. I remember when I was at that awkward age. Any little difference between me and the other children and I was embarrassed and humiliated in front of what felt like the world.
Dennis: [enters the bar in costume] Hi, Diane.
Sam: And on it goes.
Dennis: You left your sweater at my apartment.
Diane: Oh, thank you, Dennis. And thanks for bringing it by in this all-too-brief visit. Why are you dressed like that?
Dennis: I'm working the Renaissance Faire.
Diane: Don't they have dressing rooms there?
Dennis: I thought you'd get a kick out of it. You said it was your favorite era.
Diane: Dennis, there's a time and place for everything. And the time for this was the 14th century.

Dennis: I'm sorry. So are we still on for Saturday night?
Diane: Next Saturday would be impossible.
Dennis: You don't wanna go out with me again, do you?
Diane: I didn't say that, Dennis. You're putting words in my mouth.
Dennis: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Diane: No, no, they're the right words. Uh, I'll give you a call, Dennis.

Diane: All right. All right. I know what's coming. Let's get on with it.
Norm: What? What are you talking about?
Diane: You know. Dennis. He didn't, well... He didn't look very ordinary.
Sam: Oh, nonsense. I thought he looked great. Especially if he was gonna spend the day in Sherwood Forest.

Diane: You're not being very fair. Dennis is a really special guy.
Norm: Yeah, and I sensed that, Diane. I said to myself-- As soon as he walked in, I said, now there's a sissy with a dream.
Diane: Dennis Kaufman is a brilliant puppeteer. He does a wonderful Punch and Judy.
Carla: He'd better have a wonderful punch if he's gonna dress like Judy.
Cliff: Oh, you really pick them, Diane. Next to him, even Frasier looks like Rambo.

Diane: Look what I've stooped to. Dennis is a fine human being, and I hustled him out of here like he had the plague. All in an effort to avoid your childish gibes. How will I ever make it up to him?
Frasier: Well, you could always offer to set his hair.
Diane: Fine, fine. Thank you all.
Frasier: Oh, come on. You're overreacting. We were simply indulging in a couple of yuks. Were we not, guys?
Diane: Well, I can understand why you act like this, and Sam stooping to such puerile behavior. You're jealous. But I don't know why everyone else jumps in. Now, Woody here was the only one of you mature enough to refrain from jumping on your mudslinging bandwagon.
Woody: Well, why should l, Miss Chambers? I liked Denise.
Diane: No, that's Dennis.
Woody: I know!

Sam: Guys, Carla, get your coats. You're coming over to my place. Tonight, on the tube, The Magnificent Seven.
Norm: Cliffie, the Wham Bam Room will always be there, but only tonight will the Seven ride.
Cliff: Say no more. Bronson, McQueen, Coburn.
Woody: Don't think I ever saw that one.
Carla: You're kidding. Then tonight you become a man.
Frasier: Well, I'm off.
Cliff: Hey, change of plans, Frasier. The Magnificent Seven, Sammy's TV, tonight.
Frasier: The Seven? Great. I never miss a Horst Buchholz film. Listen, l tell you what. I'll catch up to you just as soon as I talk Mrs. Benedict out of her hamper.