Sam: You don't love the guy. Come on.
Rebecca: What do you know about it? You're not there when we're alone together. He's warm and tender and giving.
Sam: He's a crook.
Rebecca: That's just his way, Sam. He's not an evil person. I know in his heart of hearts that he really does love me. You know, there's a lot of women that are higher up in the corporation than me, but he chose to take advantage of me. Doesn't that tell you something?I mean, would it be so terrible if I didn't turn him in? What would happen?
Sam: I'll tell you. He would go to jail, and you would go to jail, too.
Rebecca: I know, I know. Any chance we'd go to the same jail?

Carla: Sam, I've been fiddling around with the computer in there, and I just can't seem to enter Rebecca's system.
Sam: Take a number.
Frasier: Well, exactly why do you want to use Rebecca's computer?
Carla: Because I just have this great idea that I think would really improve things in the bar.
Sam: Yeah? Like what?
Carla: Well, I'm gonna tap into the corporate payroll system and give myself a big raise.
Frasier: How would that improve the bar?
Carla: Well, I'd be a much happier employee and less likely to do things like this to customers. [dips Frasier's tie in his beer and uses it to polish the bar]
Frasier: Well, best of luck, then.

Sam: You can't get into the main computer without Rebecca's secret password. You know that.
Carla: Yeah, well, I'm trying to figure out what the password is.
Norm: Well, it's usually something personal.
Sam: How about "loser"?
Carla: I tried it.
Norm: Uh, "funky"?
Carla: Tried it.
Woody: How about "hard-working young woman who never gets the recognition she deserves"?
Carla: That's too many letters.
Woody: Then how about "screw-up"?
Carla: Worth a try. All right.

Carla: No luck, Sammy. I guess... I don't know... I can't get into that computer. I'm just going to keep on working for peanuts.
Norm: Hey, how about peanuts?
Carla: That would be a stupid password.
Norm: No, I mean pass the peanuts. Cliff sneezed all over the pretzels.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, sure. Like I was the only one.

Frasier: You know, I've had a password lock on my computer for years. You see, after every session, I transcribe my notes into my PC. We're talking about some, you know, very sensitive, intimate, sometimes shocking information nobody should be privy to. [shows Sam his notepad] For example, take a look at this guy, and this lunatic's a judge.

Rebecca: Frasier. You're possibly 5% smarter than anyone else here. What do you think? Do you think that he bought her a house for, you know, maybe just the heck of it?
Frasier: You know, I've seen this sort of thing a lot.
Rebecca: What, people buying houses for no good reason?
Frasier: No. Desperate women like you grabbing at straws. Pathetic, isn't it?

Rebecca: What should I do, Frasier?
Frasier: Well, are you certain that Robin intends to leave you?
Rebecca: What else could it be? And the bad part is, all I can do is stand here like a sap and wait for it to happen.
Frasier: Well, rather than playing your usual passive role, why don't you take an active stance and beat him to the punch?
Rebecca: You mean break up with him first?
Frasier: Exactly. Preserve your pride and dignity.
Rebecca: I guess that's what I needed to hear.
Frasier: Thank you. You know, interestingly enough, there are some people who actually feel a moral obligation to pay for this sort of advice.
Rebecca: Yeah, well, they don't know you the way we do.

Sam: Oh, this thing weighs a ton.
Norm: I'm sorry, Sammy. Actually, I loaded it up before we left. [opens a drawer and pulls out a six-pack] You know... I think it's actually the damn ice that makes it so heavy. Care for a Fudgsicle, Sammy?
Rebecca: Hey. You guys, don't take a break now. There's still lots of stuff to be brought in.
Norm: Too late. Already open.

Rebecca: I cannot believe that Robin would use me like this.
Sam: Yeah, I know. He seems like such a decent guy. I mean, it's not like he ever, you know, cheated on any of your friends in a business deal. Oh. No, no. Actually, he did, didn't he? Well, at least you never caught him with another woman. Oh, shoot. That happened, too. Well, maybe this is the very last bad thing he does. Yeah. That's it.
Rebecca: Gee, Sam, do you think so?

Norm: Rebecca, maybe you are too stupid to live. It's quite obvious from this information that Robin's planning a hostile takeover of your corporation. And since that's your computer password, it could look like you're in on it, too.
Rebecca: Wait a minute. I could go to jail for this. Well, forget it. I'm just going to take this information, and I'm gonna have to turn him in. If he thinks I'm going to go to jail to save his butt, he can forget it.
Sam: There you go.
Rebecca: But it is the cutest butt. You should see it when it comes out of the shower.
Sam: Yeah, that's OK.
Rebecca: No, it beads all up like a shiny new car.
Sam: That's really OK.