Sam: The whole idea that I have a problem is just ridiculous.
Carla: Oh, yeah? You've been with thousands of women over the years, right?
Sam: Yeah. Right.
Carla: Well, how many cards do you get on Father's Day?
Sam: Well, you know... that doesn't mean anything.
Carla: Sammy, sooner or later, you're gonna have to face the possibility that, whether you like it or not, you might just possibly have a low sperm count.
Sam: You're fired. Get out of here. Go on, right now. You're fired.
Carla: Don't turn on me. I'm not the one with the problem.
Sam: I do not have a problem! I have just as much firepower as the next guy, I'll tell you. You think I'm afraid to go to that doctor, don't you? Well, watch this. I'm gonna go to that stupid fertility doctor. You know, I bet my fertility just soars right off the map. I'll bet I break their stupid machine. Oh, y- you don't think they use a machine, do you?