Diane: I don't want anything to distract you from your enjoyment of this painting. When you see it, you'll understand and forgive.
Sam: What happens if I hate it?
Diane: You know you're going to love it. Because in the last six months, you've come so far and made so much progress.
Sam: You know, you sound like you're talking about a chimp. I just push the right buttons and out pops a banana?
Diane: That's a ludicrous comparison. There isn't a chimp alive who could keep up with you.
Sam: You know, you always do this. I really hate when you do this. You tell poor Sam what he should like, what he shouldn't like, how he should walk, how he should talk, what fork he should use with soup and salad. I know. I know. You don't use a fork with soup. I just said you use a fork with soup. It was a mistake. Please do not say, "You don't use a fork with soup." If you do nothing else for me for the rest of your life, do not say, "You don't use a fork with soup."
Diane: My God, Sam. I've made you a babbling idiot.
Sam: Who are you calling a babbling idiot, huh?
Diane: Don't get upset. I'm actually criticizing myself.
Sam: You just called me a babbling idiot and you're criticizing yourself? Do me a favor. Let me criticize me for a while. You're sickening.