Diane: We're pathetic.
Sam: How so?
Diane: Sam, you just spent the afternoon pretending to be married to a woman who's the emotional equivalent of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and who's desperately in love with another man.
Sam: Yeah, well at least I didn't fly across the country to make an ass out of myself.
Diane: Why bother when you do it so brilliantly right here?