Carla: What do we need it for? It's just another piece to clog up. [metal clanks]
Sam: Carla, it's got to belong to something.
Carla: You can't hang on to things because of sentiment.

Diane: Coach, what's going on here?
Coach: Oh, just a normal evening. I'm pouring a beer. Norm's in line. Sam's sweeping the girl of my dreams off her feet. Just a normal night.
Diane: Coach, I thought you were gonna do that.
Coach: Well, come on, Diane, Sam's such a smoothie, I can't remember the last time a woman turned him down.
Nina: [to Sam] Will you bug off?
Diane: [to Coach] Does that refresh your memory?

Sam: I got her on the ropes.
Diane: You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you, Mayday?
Sam: Hey, the evening's young.
Diane: Ooh. But your lines are old.
Sam: Don't you worry about me. I'm going out with your friend tonight, even if it kills me.

Carla: [o.s.] Get in there, you pipe, and no backtalk.
Coach: Diane, you can't come in here, it's the men's room.
Diane: Well, Carla's in here.
Coach: Carla doesn't count.
Carla: [o.s.] Hey, watch it!

Coach: Diane, please, I'd like to be alone.
Diane: Coach, now if you don't act now, your life will be forever haunted with the memory of lost opportunity.
Coach: Diane, maybe you're right. Maybe I should've tried earlier, but Sam's after her now. Can't you see that?
Diane: So? He's not getting anywhere.
Carla: Ooh, ooh. You got the hots for Nina?
Coach: Oh, you know that, too, huh?
Diane: Um, Carla, Coach is too shy to ask Nina out.
Coach: Oh, come on, will you? Who wants to date me? I'm over the hill.
Diane: Nothing could be further from the truth. I'd go out with you.
Coach: Really?
Diane: Yes.
Coach: I would, too.
Diane: See? And we all know how fussy Carla is.

Norm: Tell me you're not in trouble, Sam. Tell me you're playing around with her, or I can't go on.
Sam: I'm, uh... I'm just playing with her.
Norm: [reassuring other guys] Just playing around with her...

Tour Guide: [enters] And now Harvard Yard. It was here that in 1535 John Harvard raised his eyes to heaven and announced...
Carla: Line up, the can is fixed.
Sam: Look, I let you do this one time but no more. I don't want you come back in here, you understand?
Tour Guide: Sorry about this. They're studying for finals. Let's give them a little consideration and tiptoe out.
Woman: Seems like all we've done all day long was go from one bar to another.
Tour Guide: What do you want for eight bucks? Minutemen? Move it.