Norm: Looks like the Coach is headed for Dump City and he's got his pedal to the metal.
Diane: I still say there's something touching about it. A man with that much hope and faith in a relationship is very rare.
Carla: So's the oxygen to your brain.

Diane: Well, I'm sure that if Irene knew how strongly the Coach still felt about her, she'd make an effort to talk to him and straighten him out.
Sam: Yeah, but we don't even know how to get in touch with her. Oh, but I do know how to get in touch with her daughter, Miss Frostbottom. I tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna give her a message to pass on to her mother and she can keep a little of it for herself. A message about how a couple of women that don't know the first thing about being decent to folks. [on the phone] Hi, Babe, Sam Malone. Busy tonight? For the rest of your life. Yeah, well, I thought that's what you were gonna say, but before you hang up on me here, this phone call doesn't have anything to do with you. It's about your mother and the way she's being treating the Coach. I mean, I think it stinks. I don't even want to tell you how enraged I am over the phone, so how about we get together for dinner tonight? Yeah, well, I knew you were gonna say that, but listen up here. I don't want to go to dinner. I already ate. So, how about a drink? Well, I knew you were gonna say that, too, but I got news for you. I don't drink. So who feels stupid now, huh? You agree with me? Well, yeah, you should be ashamed of your mother, Sue. I mean, come on, what's going on here? Corfu? Oh, no. Yeah, thanks. [hangs up] You know, I'm beginning to hate the women in that family.

Diane: Come on, Coach, how about the three of us go out and get something to eat, like old times?
Coach: I thought I knew her. I was so sure she'd come back today.
Sam: Well, maybe she had a family crisis, like her daughter fell off her broomstick.

Coach: You know what really hurts the most?
Sam: What?
Coach: I thought right up to the very last moment she'd call. How could I have been so wrong?
Diane: You just wanted it to happen so badly you never thought it wouldn't.
Coach: No, Diane. No, I never doubted it. I thought we'd get together. But I guess the money did change her.
Diane: I guess it did.
Coach: You want to know something? I'm starting to wonder if we would have made that good a couple. Come on, let's get some pizza. [phone rings] Boy, life with her sure ain't boring.
Diane: Coach, don't answer that phone. We both know like you do that it's Irene, but why not teach her a lesson?
Coach: No, Diane. If she was thoughtful enough to call... [answers phone] Look, honey, let me do the talking. If I hear your voice, I might change my mind. You're better off with the rich guy. I realize that even if you don't. Now, look, we had some good times, just take care of yourself, huh? [hangs up] I hope she understands.
Sam: Coach, wait a second here. Did you actually hear her voice on the phone?
Coach: I didn't have to, Sam. It was her.
Diane: So it's all over?
Coach: Well, it's all over for me. I still feel sorry for her. [phone rings] Poor kid. [exits]
Diane: [to Sam as he heads to the phone] It's her. [sings] Isn't it romantic...

Carla: [v.o.] Antony, everything under control?
Antony: [v.o.] Yeah, Ma, what'd you think, the place would be on fire?
Carla: Never mind, wise guy. I was a little worried, this being your first time watching the kids alone.
Antony: Yeah, I know, but it was no sweat.
Carla: That's my little man.
Antony: Yuck.
Carla: It feels good to get off my feet. Hey, where are the kids, anyway?
Antony: Locked in the hall closet.
Carla: Well, let them out!
Antony: Yeah, sure, Ma.
Carla: I didn't say now.

Mrs. Clavin: [v.o.] Would you like another piece of pie, Cliffie?
Cliff: [v.o.] Oh, well, I shouldn't, but I can't resist your gooseberry pie, Mom.
Mrs. Clavin: Wipe your chin, dear. That's a good boy. Did you have a nice time tonight at Cheers?
Cliff: Yeah, it was OK.
Mrs. Clavin: Did you meet any young ladies?
Cliff: Well, no, but there was some excitement. Remember I told you about the Coach and that woman Irene? Well, tonight he asked her to marry him and she said yeah. Next thing you know, she gets a call from her daughter and Irene's won the lottery. Two million smackers.
Mrs. Clavin: Oh, good Lord.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. We're kind of worried, though. I mean, she forgot about Coach when she won that dough.
Mrs. Clavin: Well, maybe it'll work out. Cliffie, when are you going to take me to Cheers to meet your friends?
Cliff: [quietly] When hell freezes over.
Mrs. Clavin: What was that?
Cliff: When I get the front seat of the car fixed, Ma.
Mrs. Clavin: Fine.

Diane: [v.o.] [answers phone] Hello.
Frasier: [v.o.] What are you wearing?
Diane: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: I'm not Frasier. I'm not wearing anything. Does that excite you?
Diane: Frasier, I know it's you. It's very late.
Frasier: Blast! You always know it's me.
Diane: You always do the same thing.
Frasier: I just called to say I love you.
Diane: That's sweet. You're the most thoughtful boyfriend I've ever had.
Frasier: That's not saying much.
Diane: Oh, speaking of Sam... This is good. The woman Coach has been seeing, Irene, has a daughter, Sue. And when they came in a few weeks ago, Sam offered to pick up Sue so Coach would be with Irene. But she turned him down flat. It was great. And the best thing is it's really been bugging Sam. And then tonight she did it again. Oh, I hate to admit it, but I'm enjoying it.
Frasier: You little devil. Well, my dearest, I will bid you good night. By the way I really don't have any clothes on. This phone booth is freezing.
Diane: [giggles] Good night, Frasier, darling. Sweet dreams. [hangs up telephone] [switching channels] [The Star Spangled Banner plays] [The Three Stooges plays] Good Lord, aren't all the eight-year-olds in bed by now? Good, some late news.

Sam: [v.o.] Well, let's see what's on the old tube here. Ah, I watched some news over the weekend. That's good enough, I guess. [The Three Stooges plays] Oh, great! I love this one! They're doctors!

Carla: Wow, this is lovely.
Sam: Do you want it?
Carla: Me? Oh, I can't take this, Sam.
Sam: Please, go ahead.
Carla: God, thanks. [gasps] From the "House of Ooh La La"!

Sam: Hey, Coach, wait a second here. Let me have a little talk with you. Everything going along all right with you and Irene?
Coach: Yeah, sure, never better.
Sam: Well, I hear she changed the wedding date again. What's the story?
Coach: Well, it's just nerves, Sam. You know, it's only natural.
Sam: But you've hardly seen her lately.
Coach: Well, she's been making all these wedding plans. I'm not worried about it.
Sam: Coach, she moved and she didn't tell you where.
Coach: Well, I am a little worried about that... but with all the excitement, she probably just forgot.