Sam: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Diane: Well, I'm going to help you with the Coach.
Sam: [scoffs] I have known this man for 20 years. I think by now I have a pretty god idea how to help him, and I'm going to... By myself.
Diane: Okay, fine. I'll be waiting right here outside, when you fail. When and if you fail. More when.

Sam: Come on, Coach. You're gonna have go through with this. I mean, the guys are going to be out there any minute.
Coach: He betrayed me, Sam. I loved him like a brother and he betrayed me. You know, once they were threatening to send him down to a double-A club and I swear to you, Sam, I went and said, "You send T-Bone down, you gotta send me down, too." I did,Sam.
Sam: As I recall, you kind of liked it down there, didn't you?
Coach: We had a great time. Why did he do it to me?
Sam: Coach, I don't know. Listen to me. Listen to me. It was a one-time thing, Coach. He lost his head once. I think you're going to have to accept it and forgive him.
Coach: But why did he do it? Why?
Sam: I don't know. I can't answer that. I just hate watching it eat you up like this. I wish I could cheer you up. Oh, wait. You haven't seen this. This is great. Okay, come on. [puts on his sweater from Diane] Look at this. Don't I look like a dink? [chuckles] Look at this. Look at this.
Coach: Ordinarily, Sam, that would have me on the floor, but not today.

Sam: Come on, man. Pull yourself out of this. This is ancient history. This is in the past.
Coach: Yeah, for him, it's the past. For me, it's just happening. [Sam knocks on his office door]
Diane: [enters] I can help you, Coach. Let your subconscious speak to me. We have to work through your feelings about T-Bone. You have a lot of bottled up feelings that need to be released.
Coach: Yeah, if I had T-Bone here, I'd release all his teeth.
Sam: That's good.
Diane: That's good. You need to talk to T-Bone. Tell him how hurt and angry you are so you can work through your feelings.
Coach: Oh, come on, Diane, T-Bone's dead.
Diane: No, no, he isn't. Here's T-Bone right here. [taps Sam on the shoulder] Spill your guts to him.
Sam: I don't think that's such a good idea.
Diane: It'll help him.
Sam: I hate looking silly.

Sam: Hey, Ernie, how are you doing?
Coach: It has to be deeper, Sam, like "Hey, Ernie, how are you doing?"
Sam: Oh, right. Every time he'd talk, he'd wipe his nose. Hey, Ernie, how are you doing?
Coach: It's "Hey, Ernie, how are you doing?" and then he'd wipe it that way.
Sam: All right, all right.
Coach: After.
Sam: All right, all right. Hey, Ernie, how are you doing?
Coach: Sam, the sniff has to be louder.
Sam: The sniff is fine.

Diane: Will you two please stop? That is irrelevant. Now something is eating away at Coach's guts. We have to address that.
Sam: Ernie, your wife was a wonderful woman. I mean, she was really beautiful. I lost my head. Now, can you blame me for going crazy about something you had that I could never have myself?
Coach: She was the best. Nobody could resist her.
Sam: Come on. Go out and make that speech for me. Come on, Ernie. I mean, all the people out there think that I'm a real nice guy and a good friend. Leave me that, huh?
Coach: T-Bone, what you did, I can never forgive you for. Never forgive you. And you're dead now and there's only one way I can get even with you. It's to go out there and really do you in and I'm going to do it.
Sam: Coach, come on.
Coach: Now just stay away from me!

Artie: That was beautiful, Ernie.
Coach: Thanks, Artie.
Artie: No, I mean it. That stuff that you said could almost make me forgive T-Bone for what he did to me.
Coach: For what he did to you?
Artie: Yeah.
Coach: What did he do?
Artie: He went after my wife.
Coach: Yours, too?
Charlie: Hey, you guys got off easy.
Lefty: What did he do to you?
Charlie: He borrowed $500 from me. He never even tried to pay me back.
Artie: Well, how is that worse than chasing our wives?
Charlie: Hey, I've seen your wives.

Lefty: Why beat around the bush? Let's admit the guy was a fungo.
Tom I got to admit I still love the guy. After all, he never made a pass at my wife.
Lefty: Are you nuts? The man was at your house so often, he got mail there.
Tom: Hey, hey. My wife would never cheat on me.
Artie: Hey! Hey! He was the worst guy I ever knew. We shouldn't be honoring him. We should be dancing on his grave.
Sam: Come on, you guys. What are you doing? Now, listen, you gotta try forget about how he was in life and remember him as he is now. Dead.
Lefty: I say we take that cardboard cutout and do to it what we should have done to him while he was alive!
Tom: Let's hang him in effigy!
Coach: The hell with that, let's hang him here in Boston!
[As Coach and the mourners storm out of the bar, Diane goes to the lectern and sings Amazing Grace. The guys walk back in and join in.]