Diane: Poor Sam.
Sam: "Poor Sam", you kidding me? Poor everybody. No win day. Upsets right across the board. Hey, I defy anybody to predict how those games turned out. How did you do?
Diane: Well, I'm afraid I didn't do very well either.
Sam: Oh, yeah?
Diane: I went entirely with cities whose symphonies are led by foreign-born conductors.
Sam: You're kidding, aren't you?
Diane: No.
Sam: Bet you did great with that system.
Diane: Well, not really. I only got eleven.
Sam: Well, the heck you did. You... You got twelve. Twelve out of thirteen.
Diane: You're right, I miscounted.
Sam: And not only that, the one you missed, you missed by a mile here. Hey, hey, there's a new rule around here. All blonde waitresses out of the pool. You don't get to bet on football any more. I'll tell you something, you are destroying the sport of football.
Diane: OK, fine. If it's so important to you. But this makes it impossible to test my theory on state flowers.

Cliff: I'm a man of peace. I'm perfectly willing to let bygones be bygones. If, on the other hand, certain of my loud-mouthed brethren were to start trouble, that's their business. Scotch. Norm, did you hear about the studies being done over at Johns Hopkins about the Y chromosome of persistent bar troublemakers? Yeah, they found a striking similarity between that and chronic droolers and idiots.
Victor: OK, that's it. Shut up, friend, and step outside. And this time you're going first so you can't give me the slip.
Cliff: Well, I'd like to, but I think that'd be rather rude to my enormous friend Lewis.

Lewis: What's the problem?
Victor: Wait. I got no quarrel with you, pal. It's this guy here's getting on my nerves.
Lewis: Oh, yeah. And what exactly is it about him that bothers you?
Victor: I don't know. The fact that he comes on as such an authority on everything.
Lewis: Hey. It's a free country.
Victor: I know. I know it's a free country. But it bugs me. I mean, he's got an opinion on every subject. He never shuts up.
Lewis: You know, he does the same thing down at the post office. But nobody ever thinks about beating him up over it.
Victor: Yeah, yeah, I mean his whole attitude rubs me the wrong way.
Lewis: Yeah, I know what you mean. Those kind of guys just do it to you. Who knows why?
Cliff: Well, actually, sociology...
Lewis: Shut up, Clint.
Cliff: It's Cliff. Like another beer?
Lewis: No. I don't think so. I think I'm going home.
Cliff: Hey, let me give you a ride.
Lewis: No. I don't want my neighbors seeing me coming home in a Studebaker.

Sam: What? What's funny?
Diane: Sam, Cliff, very prudently, in my judgment, has refrained from taking advantage of that combative mesomorph with his superior knowledge of karate.
Coach: Right.
Sam: Karate? Cliff? [laughs]
Cliff: Et tu, Sammy?

Sam: Diane, you don't know the first thing about football. You know that?
Diane: Who won the pool last week?
Sam: I mean, you've never been to a pro game before.
Diane: Who won?
Sam: You don't watch it on television. You haven't even listened to-
Diane: Who won?
Sam: You won, you won, you won, you won! OK? You won.

Diane: Sam, will you do something about this?
Sam: About what?
Diane: Carla is provoking Cliff into a physical confrontation with that lout.
Sam: Cliff? I told you I don't want anything more violent in my bar than an occasional love nibble.
Coach: That'll never work with this guy.

Cliff: Look, it's all right. There won't be any fisticuffs. I'm just going to go over to the guy, stare him down. He's going to be the first one to blink. Mark my words.
Sam: Wait, man, how...
Cliff: Hey, no, Sam. It's something I've got to do. The gauntlet has been thrown down. Hey. Beagle breath.
Victor: You'd better not be talking to me, pal.
Cliff: If you don't like the way I talk, maybe there's something you'd like to do about it.
Victor: I'd be glad to. Let's go outside. [Cliff stares]
Cliff: You got it. I'll pay my check and I'll be right behind you. [to the guys at the bar] Did he blink and I missed it?

Diane: Well, how did my Sammykins do in the football pool?
Sam: Ah, not so great. But I wasn't the only one. Oddsmakers took a real beating yesterday. Nothing went according to form.
Diane: How many did you get?
Sam: I don't know. Let's see. Five, six... Six out of thirteen. That's not so bad.
Diane: This.
Sam: Okay, okay, all right. Five.
Diane: Ah, ah, ah-
Sam: Four. [screws up paper] All right?

Carla: So what have you got the muscle for, huh, Cliff?
Cliff: What are you talking about muscle, Carla? Lewis and I go way back. Ah, yeah. Enjoy, Lewis. Enjoy.
Lewis: Thanks, Chris.
Cliff: It's Cliff. My pleasure.

Norm: Hey, Lewis, you look like an athlete. You play football or anything?
Lewis: A little bit. Mostly, I'm a fighter.
Cliff: You're- You're a fighter? Well, you think you know a guy all these years and he can still surprise you like that, huh? I didn't know you were a fighter, Lewis.
Lewis: Well, that's what you asked for in your ad up on the bulletin board.
Cliff: [laughs uproariously] Ah, "Lewis the kidder", that's what they call him.