Diane: Woody, you go on home. I'll finish up here. I want to be alone with Sam.
Carla: Run, Sam, run!
Sam: Diane, don't you think- You know, on second thought, guys, why don't you take off? I'd like to have a little private moment here with Diane. [Diane excitedly jumps up and down]
Carla: That's it! It is all over! Now I don't have the strength to fight anymore. All chance of victory is gone. The only thing for me now is to go home, pick up the pieces of my shattered life, and try to go on.

Tom: Hey, everybody, you're not going to believe this.
Cliff: Well, you passed the bar. I'll believe anything.
Tom: Yeah? Well, Sam's in jail, smarty pants.
Carla: What?
Tom: Yeah. Diane had him arrested for assault and battery.
Carla: My hero.

Frasier: Is Diane all right?
Tom: I think she's fine. I just don't have all the details.
Norm: Well, how do you know all this stuff?
Tom: Sam called me to retain my services.
Cliff: Oh, to do what, prune his trees?

Bailiff: Case number one five seven eight six, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts versus Sam Malone.
Judge: Defendant is charged with willful assault...
[A door thuds as Diane enters the courtroom wearing a neck brace and using a walking cane]
Sam: Oh, what is this? I swear I never laid a hand on her, Your Honor.
Judge: Mr. Malone.
Diane: I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Judge: Just take a seat, Miss...
Diane: Chambers. Thank you.

Judge: The defendant is charged with willful assault and battery against the person of one Diane Chambers. How does the defendant plead?
Tom: Not guilty.
Judge: Motions, gentlemen.
Assistant D.A.: Your Honor, due to the violent circumstances of this crime, and in order to protect the victim from a reoccurrence of the events of evening last, the State recommends that bail be set at an amount commensurate with the serious nature of this offense.
Tom: Motion denied.
Judge: Hey! I'm the one that's supposed to say that.
Tom: Right, right. Sorry, Your Honor, uh, it's my first case.
Judge: You're kidding!
Tom: Your Honor, my client, uh, has no prior convictions or arrests. A well-known businessman and respected member of this community. I therefore move that bail be waived and he be released on his own recognizance.
Judge: I don't think Mr. Malone poses any general threat to the community; so moved.
Tom: All right! Sorry, Your Honor.

Judge: Trial is set for two months from this date at 10:00 a.m. All right, everybody, it's been a long day. This court will reconvene tomorrow morning.
Diane: Your Honor?
Judge: Yes, Miss, uh Chambers?
Diane: Would it be all right if I said something at this time?
Judge: I don't think that's really necessary.
Diane: I think it might help to expedite matters.
Judge: Well, if you must, but please be brief.
Sam: Oh, geez!

Judge: Did he hit you or push you in any way?
Diane: Well, no. Not exactly.
Judge: Look, Miss Chambers, it doesn't appear that Mr. Malone is directly responsible for your injuries. Now, is there any way I could persuade you to drop the charges against him?
Tom: I have a solution, if it pleases the court.
Judge: If you can get us out of this, it absolutely thrills the court.
Tom: What if my client proposes to her again?
Sam: Yes, I could alwa- Are you crazy?!

Judge: Mr. Malone, come up here and let's get this over with.
Sam: Diane will you marry me?
Diane: Okay.
Judge: Case dismissed. [pounds gavel] Congratulations.
Bailiff: All rise.
Tom: What do you know? I got you off!
Sam: Thank you, Tom.
Tom: Yeah. Yeah, all in a day's work, Sammy, my boy. You're looking at Thomas Babson, Esquire... undefeated.
Sam: Oh, Tom? Uh, if you got any time next week, my trees need pruning.
Tom: How about Saturday?
Sam: Be fine. Thanks.

Sam: Guys, I'm gonna I'm gonna lock up now.
Cliff: Yeah, all right, Sammy. We can watch the rest of this meat show over at Normie's house.
Norm: No, no, no. No, no, no. Vera won't let me watch those, uh, beauty contests, Cliffie.
Cliff: Yeah? How come?
Norm: Well, she- She's says they're degrading to women and they make me randy as a jackrabbit.