Carla: You know, the first guy I ever fell in love with did the same thing. He treated me like a dog. He borrowed my car, he sold it, he gave the money to his other girlfriend, and then he didn't even have the decency to apologize. But I got even with him.
Sam: I'll bet you did. What did you do?
Carla: I married him. You remember Nick, huh?

Rebecca: Look at this. A single white rose. I wonder what this means.
Carla: Well, if it means the same thing it does in my family, you'd better have Clavin start your car tonight.

Carla: Look. You always claim you know the answers to everything. Well, I'm calling your bluff. I am going to give you a chance to handle my problem. I give you 30 seconds. If you blow it, I'm sending you back out there and your face stays here.
Diane: Fair enough.
Carla: My ex-husband is getting remarried tonight. Here's the invite.
Diane: How terrible for you. I understand completely. You've never really stopped loving him. I can see this invitation is soaked with your tears.
Carla: That's my spit. I don't love that rat and I never did. Sure, there were little things I loved about him, like the way he flexed his tattoo. The way the hair grew in his ears. The way he drooled in bed.

Cliff: What a pathetic display. I'm ashamed God made me a man.
Carla: I don't think God's doing a lot bragging about it either.

Cliff: I just thank God I don't have an alcoholic personality.
Carla: You don't have a personality.
Cliff: Carla, I'm going to resist the temptation of hurling a rejoinder in your direction primarily out of the respect I bear for members of your gender.
Carla: Please make sure that's all you bare for members of my gender.

Diane: Well, I think it's only fair that you tell him you have five children.
Carla: Six.
Diane: OK, six. But don't wait... I thought it was five.
Carla: It was. I just came from the doctor.
Diane: Oh! Oh! Carla, when you were in high school and you took Hygiene... did you cut the how-not-to lecture?
Carla: I had to. I was pregnant. I'm the most fertile woman living. For me, there's only one absolutely foolproof method of birth control, and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Diane: What's that?
Carla: Saying no.

Carla: What are you doing? Can't you see this is a twisted cry for help? Sammy, I'm here for you.
Sam: Carla, knock it off. I'm not saying I'm going. I just wanna find out if I can. That's all.
Carla: I don't get it, Sammy. Why Diane? Why not arsenic or strychnine?
Norm: Let's see if I'm following all of this. Carla, you think Diane is bad for Sam.

Sam: I don't know, Carla. Either managing a bar is getting a lot more complicated, or I'm getting a lot dumber.
Carla: You couldn't be getting any dumber, Sam.
Sam: Well, it must be that other thing.
Carla: You know, having you back in charge really reminds me of old times, you know? I mean, real old times.
Even before the evil days, when darkness fell over the earth.
Norm: She means when Diane was still here.
Frasier: I know precisely what she means.

Carla: Woody, you just you don't know what you're getting yourself into. I mean, those guys at Gary's are vicious. They could strip you naked, paint you red and put you on a subway.
Woody: They wouldn't do that.
Carla: They did it to me. But I got the best of 'em.
Norm: How's that?
Carla: I loved it.

Rebecca: So, he's coming in town tonight, I haven't seen him for a month, and I don't know... You know, I really need some help here. Now, you've got a reputation of being uninhibited, lowdown, dirty, perverted...
Carla: You should have known me when I was a real slut.
Rebecca: Let me ask you a question. What is the wildest thing you ever did to really get a guy's attention?
Carla: Well, now... Let me see. There was the time I was making love to a guy on a carousel.
Rebecca: Where? An amusement park?
Carla: No, LaGuardia Airport. Want to give it a try?