Paula: I'm a reporter for "Boston Scene" magazine. I'm hoping you can give me some information on the singles scene here in Boston.
Cliff: [mumbles] Have you met many women at Cheers?
Norm: No. To tell you the truth, I haven't had much success, but how can I compete with Cary Grant over there?

Norm: Real smooth, Cliffie.
Cliff: Well, it's just a good thing she identified herself as a reporter, Norm. Otherwise, she would be Doctor Feelgood's next patient.
Norm: Cliff, just how long did it take for you to create this little world you live in?

Paula: I'm writing an article on singles bars for "Boston Scene" magazine. What would you consider to be the major allure of this bar for the singles crowd?
Sam: Well, you're gazing hungrily at him, honey.
Paula: You're unbelievable.
Cliff: Ooh, I think he's got a whiff on this one, Norm.
Norm: Never. Not in a million years.
Paula: Would you say that "Cheers" has a reputation as a singles bar?
Sam: I'll answer that question seriously if you'll answer one of mine seriously.
Paula: OK.
Sam: Do you think it's possible for a man to satisfy a woman too much?
Paula: In the two weeks I've been doing research, you're the first person who has hit on me so relentlessly that I've terminated the interview.
Sam: Well, you should have come to me first.

Sam: Wait a second. I think it'd be fun to help you with your article here. I bet you're looking for a quote, too?
Paula: Don't waste my time.
Sam: No, wait a second. Wait a second. You know, I always say, if it wasn't for people who say they never go to singles bars, singles bars would be out of business.
Norm: [to Cliff] Didn't Diane say that?
Carla: When you talk all the time, you're bound to say everything eventually.
Paula: That's almost useable.
Sam: Well, there's more where that came from. Listen, why don't we go up to Melville's? I'll share my thoughts on the singles phenomenon and we'll have some bouillabaisse, huh?
Paula: Mr. Malone, is this another come-on? Are you plying me with fish heads?
Sam: No, no, I promise. We'll just talk about the article. OK?
Paula: I do love bouillabaisse.
Sam: Yeah? I hear it's an aphrodisiac. But then again, when I'm around, even oxygen is an aphrodisiac. I can't believe you're not writing down these crude come-ons.

Sam: Listen, I want that woman, Carla. Okay?
Norm: What's so special about this woman?
Sam: Well, if you must know, it's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I've never had a reporter before.
Cliff: Wow. Get out.
Sam: Well, I've never had a magazine reporter... from the Boston area... with a circulation of over a million.
Cliff: Yeah, go on.
Sam: ... lately.

Norm: All right, Sammy, really, really. What's special about this one? I don't get it.
Carla: I understand it. He always wants the ones he can't have. Like this dame and me.
Sam: Listen, come on. Can't anybody think of something Diane said about painters?
Carla: Come on. She's out of your league, Sammy. Face it, you're just one of us, one of the great unwashed.

Sam: [writing down] Background Important Renaissance.
Norm: A-l-S-S-A-N-C-E.
Sam: Perspective.
Carla: Give up, cucumber brain.
Cliff: Hey, Sam, you got this textbook here. What are you asking Diane for?
Sam: Well, it's more fun to steal than study. Anyway, I thin it's kind of a hot irony to be using Diane's brain to get another woman's body. I'll be in my office, studying.

Diane: I hate that attitude! I hate it!
Frasier: It's obviously futile to try to talk to you when you're being so contentious. This is the number where I can be reached, should you be interested in rational discourse. [Diane throws the card away] You'll rue the day you did that!
Diane: Oh, Frasier! [bends down to pick the card up]
Sam: Diane? Oh, damn. Carla, do you remember if Diane said anything about Renoir's "Bather Seated on a Rock"?
Carla: Sammy, would you give up on that egghead? She's not good enough for you. Besides, it didn't work before, it's not going to work now.
Sam: No, it was altogether different before. This time, I'm going to do it right.
Carla: You really think it's worth all this trouble?
Sam: Carla, ever since that woman walked in the door, I've wanted her. And I'm not going to give up just because she thinks she's smarter than me.
Carla: Well, I don't like her.
Sam: Well, you made that perfectly clear, but nothing's going to stop me.
Diane: [stands up] He wants me.

Sam: Hi.
Diane: Hi. Sam, if there's anything else I can do to further stimulate and arouse your interest in the arts, let me know.
Sam: Thank you.
Diane: Don't mention it. I'm so moved by your hunger... for knowledge.

Sam: [on the phone] Hi, this is Sam Malone. You remember me, do you? Well, that's great. Um, listen, I'd like to make a reservation for tomorrow night, but I want a particular room. Do you remember when I was there before with a slender blonde who was crazy about me? Yeah, I want the same room. Let's see, it had a fireplace and a deck and a hot tub. Yeah, that's the one. Great, I'd like to have that one, if you don't mind. Yeah, I'm hoping it'll, uh, create the same old magic. Yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow night. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
[As Sam walks out of his office, Diane emerges from the stock room with a bottle of wine]