Woody: Oh, boy, I need change for this 50.
Harry: You need change. Maybe I can help you, huh?
Woody: Great.
Cliff: Hold it, hold it.
Harry: Oh, come on, guys. Give me a break. I'm a reformed man.
Norm: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you wouldn't mind if we monitored this little transaction.
Cliff: Yeah.
Harry: Wouldn't mind at all. Okay, you got 50 bucks. Here's one, two, three, four, five. Norm, what time is it?
Norm: 11:00.
Harry: 11, hmm? 12, 13, 14. Gee, my watch must be fast. I got, uh, 11:25. 26, 27, 28. Cliff, you have not aged a day. How old are you?
Cliff: Oh 39.
Harry: 39. 40, 41, forty... Wait. You can't be that old. When were you born?
Cliff: '47.
Harry: 48, 49, 50. There you go, barkeep.
Woody: Thank you.
Harry: Good to see you, guys.
Norm: Yeah.
Harry: Hey, Sam, long time no see.
Sam: What was Harry the Hat doing here?
Woody: He just came in for a beer.
Sam: Oh.
Woody: And some change.
Sam: Oh... [runs after Harry]

Cliff: Oh, hey, Normie? Listen, that was great meat loaf last night, huh?
Norm: It was, wasn't it? You know, uh, Cliff, I've been meaning to talk to you.
Cliff: Hmm?
Norm: I don't mind you staying with us for a little while till you get your new place, but, uh, it's beginning to be a little bit of a problem for Vera. The dishes, the bed, the way you leave the bathroom in the morning. [laughs] You got to start leaving something for her to do, pal. I mean, she wants to spend time with me.

Frasier: Booze, Woody, and quickly.
Woody: What's the matter, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Oh, I'm devastated. I need something expeditious and brutal to numb my sensibilities and blast me into sweet oblivion.
Woody: How about a boilermaker?
Frasier: Make it a mimosa.

Sam: What's got you so upset?
Frasier: Some college professor has just published an article that refutes everything I said in my last paper.
Cliff: Sounds like a shoot-out at the cuckoo corral.
Frasier: What could motivate an honored and distinguished colleague to launch a personal attack like this?
Sam: Well, now, maybe it's just a, you know, honest difference of opinion between scholars.
Frasier: Oh, goose poop, Sam, the man's a yahoo.

Evan Drake: Sam Malone. Evan Drake.
Sam: How do you do?
Evan Drake: I've been looking forward to meeting you. I was a big fan of yours.
Sam: Oh. Any fan of mine is certainly welcome here, especially one who could fire me like a shot. What can I get you?
Evan Drake: You got some 20-year-old Scotch?
Sam: Uh, no, but we got some pretzels that have been around for a while here. [laughs] How about a Dewar's, huh?
Evan Drake: That'll do it.
Sam: So, Mr. Drake, things are going pretty good at the old bar.
Evan Drake: Well, I'm glad to hear that. We sank a lot of bucks into it.
Sam: Oh, boy, don't talk to me about sinking, man. I lost my boat and...
Evan Drake: Yeah, I heard.

Norm: Can you settle an argument here? How much you figure a guy like that pays for his socks?
Frasier: Well, I've seen those at Barney's. They're about 75 a pair.
Woody: [chuckles] Even I pay a dollar for mine.

Sam: The next thing I know, there's a guys standing next to me... So there I am in the locker room signing the game ball for this guy, buck naked. I tell you, I'll never forget his name, because it was so unusual. Ueberroth.
Evan Drake: Peter Ueberroth, the Baseball Commissioner?
Sam: Uh, that's where the story kind of falls apart. I'll be right back.

Rebecca: I'm probably gonna lose my job.
Sam: Oh, right. Sure. He's gonna come over here and fire you because of one lousy kiss. Talk about paranoid.
Woody: [knocking] Miss Howe. Mr. Drake's here to see you.
Sam: Talk about coincidence.
Rebecca: I'm dead.
Sam: No, you're not. Now, I'll take care of this. Uh, Woody, can you stall for a minute there?
Woody: Sure. You know, in high school, I entered the 4-H Club...
Sam: Not us, Woody. Him, him. Not us, him. Out there, boy. Come on. Okay?
Woody: Sure, Sam. Would it have killed you to be a little more specific?

Harry: Barkeep, pour me a beer.
Cliff: Uh-oh, Normie. Flimflam alert.
Norm: Uh-uh.
Harry: Hey, guys, how you doing?
Norm: Pretty good, Harry. Good to see you. It's been a long time. How long's it been?
Harry: Well, two to ten, with time off for good behavior.

Carla: You want to see what makes Rebecca's loins ache?
Sam: Sure.
Carla: Well, he just walked in. It's the great and powerful Evan Drake.
Evan Drake: See to my table upstairs.
Assistant #1: Uh, yes, sir.
Sam: She's skipping the thrill ride that's Sammy Land for that?
Evan Drake: While I think of it, take care of that telex to Paris.
Assistant #1: First thing tomorrow.
Evan Drake: Now.
Assistant #1: Uh, yes, sir. [exits]
Sam: What's she see in him?
Carla: Money, power, prestige.
Sam: Yeah, but I'm several inches taller than him.