Sam: Yeah, well, I still wouldn't trade places with poor old Robin.
Carla: Poor old Robin happens to be one of the richest, most powerful men in the world. Not to mention being generally gorgeous.
Sam: Yeah, but he hasn't gotten anywhere through Becca, has he?
Carla: You didn't get anywhere with that babe, either.
Sam: I'm not one of the richest, most powerful men in the world. I'm just a lowly bartender. What's his excuse?
Norm: Good point, Sammy.
Sam: I know why she's not going to bed with that guy. There's this little voice in the back of her head that keeps saying, "Wouldn't you really rather drive a Sammy?" That poor chump doesn't stand a chance.

Sam: Look at you guys. You're getting the hang of this. Can't you just imagine me and Woody behind the bar, Carla waiting tables, you two sitting at your places. It's going to be just as good as Cheers.
Carla: It's going to be better than Cheers. You're going to drive up to the front door and someone's going to take your car.
Sam: No, no, we can't afford valet.
Carla: I know, but there's a couple of neighborhood kids out there. Doing it for free.
Cliff: My car? My car! My car! My car!

Sam: Hey, boys. You're looking at a scale model of Sam's place.
Frasier: You're still going through with that thing, Sam?
Sam: Oh, yeah. The loan came through today. This thing's happening.
Woody: Even after Mr. Clavin's car got stolen, stripped, and left across town?
Sam: Yeah, that was just one little incident.
Cliff: A friend of mine down at City Hall says it serves me right for parking my car in the worst crime sector in Boston.
Carla: I don't believe it.
Cliff: You were there. You saw it.
Carla: No. That you have a friend.

Woody: What are you doing here so late, Doctor Crane?
Frasier: Oh, I had to make a midnight run. Lilith's having another one of her pregnancy cravings.
Norm: Oh, no. Not again. What was it this time?
Frasier: Oh, just butter and flour.
Woody: Oh, she wants to bake something?
Frasier: No. That's what she was eating when I left. Balls of butter and fistfuls of flour. I had to get out of there.
Cliff: Boy, oh, geez, pregnancy really makes women screwy, doesn't it?
Norm: It's amazing how their little hormones take over their entire body for that period of time.
Frasier: Tell me about it. You know, the other morning at 4:00, I had to run clear across town to this particular pizzeria to get Lilith a deep-dish pizza, four cheeses, with sun-dried tomatoes, prosciutto, and anchovies.
Norm: [scoffs] How far you have to go?
Frasier: Oh, out by the airport.
Cliff: That's what, an hour's drive just for a craving?
Frasier: It's insane, isn't it?
Norm: Well, you're lucky they were open.
Frasier: Oh, they're open all night.
Norm: All night? Ooh, I could use an anchovy pizza.
Frasier: It's a hell of a pie.

Rebecca: My life is fabulous!
Carla: Keep it to yourself.
Rebecca: Oh, did I say something? I must've been thinking out loud. Thinking out loud about my fabulous life! Does anybody know what... Time it is?
Norm: Why ever do you ask?
Rebecca: Well, just because my rich new sweetheart, Robin Colcord, sent me this beautiful, very expensive gold watch from Zurich, and I can't tell what time it is. Can you read this?
Carla: Yeah. It says, "this could feed my family for a year."
Rebecca: Carla, don't be childish. If anybody needs me, I'll be skipping around in my office.

Sam: Say, uh, when's your rich boyfriend coming back?
Rebecca: In about a week.
Sam: Oh, good, good, good. That'll give you time to make up excuses not to go to bed with him.
Rebecca: I want to go to bed with him. I'm just waiting for the right time.
Sam: Oh, maybe that's why he gave you the watch.

Rebecca: And how do you know that I haven't been to bed with Robin? Did Sam tell you that?
Carla: No. I'm a woman. A woman knows.
Frasier: You know, I must say I'm with Carla on this one. I mean, there's nothing wrong with two people getting to know each other before they have a physical relationship.
Rebecca: And how did you know?
Frasier: Well, I'm a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist knows.
Tony: What are you waiting for, Becky?
Pete: Hit the sheets already, kid.
Rebecca: Sam.
Sam: Pool players know.

Sam: Ah, so he's got bucks. I mean, what's he doing? All he does is hustle. Me? I enjoy my life. I live it my way on my own terms.
Frasier: And well, you should be Sam, you know? You may not be wealthy and powerful, but those who really know you, respect you.
Pete: That's true, Sammy.
Sam: Thank you very much.
Frasier: How could we not? You know, you've been through adversities that would've crushed other lesser men.
Sam: Well, I don't know.
Frasier: No, no, really. When I think of the sorry state your life's in now...
Sam: What do you... Uh... Yeah, maybe I'm not as young as I used to be. And maybe I did blow all my life savings. And maybe this job doesn't pay that much. And maybe I don't have a family or any future to look forward to, but at least...
Frasier: What, Sam?
Sam: At least I'm happy.
Frasier: And that's why we admire you. You know, I think I speak for everyone in the bar here when I say that if it had been any of us, we would've blown our brains out years ago.

Frasier: Sam, if you feel a need for a new direction in life, perhaps a career change would be in order. Well, for example... Getting one.
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. Except, all I've ever enjoyed doing is playing baseball and running this bar. I'm too old to play baseball, and I don't own this bar anymore. So that's that.
Frasier: Why don't you start another bar?
Sam: Ah, yeah, where am I going to get the money?
Frasier: Well, I have some money I'd like to invest.
Sam: I can't take your money, Frasier.
Frasier: Thank goodness. I suddenly had an image of Lilith coming after me with a cleaver.

Rebecca: [on the phone] So how much longer are you going to be in Switzerland anyway? Well, couldn't you just jet in for the weekend? I know, I know. World peace. OK. Bye-bye. [hangs up] Oh, I miss him so much. Carla, Eddie's gone all the time. How do you handle it?
Carla: Well, when my Eddie's away with the ice show, I just picture him having a great time.
Rebecca: Yeah?
Carla: You bet. Carousing, drinking with the boys, carrying on with some floozy. And I call him up in the middle of the night and I curse at him until he begs me to forgive him, even though he probably didn't do anything wrong to begin with.
Rebecca: And that helps?
Carla: I didn't say it helped. It's just what I do.