‘2 Good to Be 4 Real’
Season 4, Episode 7 - Aired November 14, 1985
Sam and the guys try to cheer Carla up by inventing a guy to answer her personal ad.
Quote from Carla
Cliff: Oh, so where's your flyboy off to this time, Carla?
Carla: Cairo. He's gonna buzz the Sphinx for me in his 747.
Diane: Good Lord.
Carla: Even the stick's jealous. I just can't wait to meet this guy face to face. Although I am gonna play hard to get. I intend to meet him with all my clothes on.
Quote from Diane
Diane: Well, I hope you're all proud of yourselves. Carla is now turning down living, breathing human beings for your mythical aviator.
Sam: Guys, how come we didn't see this one coming?
Diane: Oh, this from a group who every year fails to see winter coming.
Norm: Thanks for reminding me, Diane. I gotta take those screens down.
Quote from Sam
Sam: Honey, what do you say?
Carla: Oh, all right, you're off the hook. Just tell me one thing. Who wrote all those lovey parts?
Sam: Oh, that was my department.
Carla: You did a real good job.
Sam: Well, I'm sorry if I got carried away there. But with you, it's kind of easy.
Carla: So they say.
Quote from Carla
Carla: So how do you feel about girls on the rebound?
Vinnie: Oh, I've dated a few. Mostly widows.
Carla: Yeah. Let's get out of here, huh?
Vinnie: Oh, I know this real nice restaurant.
Carla: Great, great. So you like kids, huh?
Vinnie: Like them? I love them. I got seven of my own.
[Carla closes the door after Vinnie's walked through]
Sam: Carla. Carla.
Carla: I'm joking. I'm only joking. [opens the door] Hey, Vinnie, could you do me a favor? I mean, just for tonight, could you pretend that your name is Mitch and that you're an airline pilot?
Vinnie: Well, I guess. If you'll call yourself Raven and pretend you're a Vegas showgirl.
Carla: You're weird. I like that.
Quote from Carla
Woody: Hey, Carla? Vinnie Claussen is here to see you.
Carla: What's he doing here? You better not watch this, kid. You're about to see a guy's dreams dashed on the rocks of Tortelli Point.
Quote from Diane
Sam: Off to class, huh? What do you got today? Ah, Sissy French Painters of the 1 7th Century.
Diane: As a matter of fact, I'm on my way to my Beginning Mime class.
Woody: "Meem"?
Diane: Most people pronounce it mime.
Woody: Mime?
Sam: Yeah, you know, Woody, those guys with white paint all over their faces so bouncy and happy you just wanna strangle them.
Diane: You're not serious. Everyone loves a mime.
Sam: No, everybody loves a clown. Everybody hates a mime.
Diane: That's simply not true.
Quote from Norm
Norm: Well, you know, I saw this guy on the Common one day. Did an amazing performance. He-- He did a crane, a mother crane, feeding its young. Turns out the guy was actually choking on a piece of gum. But I was moved, frankly.
Quote from Cliff
Sam: Come on. We wanna help. Let us help.
Norm: Yeah.
Carla: Okay, okay, try this one for size. In case you haven't noticed, my luck with men hasn't been so great lately. In fact, all my dates fall into two categories: geeks and those studying to enter the geekhood. So in order to increase my odds, I decided to enlist the full resources of the media. I put this ad in the personals of Boston Scene. So it's been two weeks, and no one has answered. Can you help with that?
Sam: Well, all right.
Norm: Yeah.
Sam: Give us a second here. All right, guys? [the guys ponder]
Cliff: Hey.
Norm: Yeah, what? What do you got?
Cliff: You got a crack in the ceiling there, Sammy.
Carla: Just what I thought. Thanks, guys.
Quote from Sam
Sam: Boy, she's really bad off. Come on, come on, listen, we gotta think here now. All right, come on, put ourselves in her place. What would I do if I couldn't get a date? Who am I kidding?
Quote from Woody
Woody: Well, why don't one of us write her?
Cliff: You wanna date her?
Sam: No, no, no. No, I think he means, why don't we make up a guy?
Norm: I don't know, man. Make up a guy, it's just too risky. Too risky.
Woody: Yeah, she'd suspect something the minute she met him.