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‘The Wednesday Incident’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Wednesday Incident

216. The Wednesday Incident

Aired February 15, 2015

When Jake notices that Holt has been acting moody, he teams up with Holt's husband to figure out what happened. Meanwhile, at the precinct, Charles tries to get a confession out of a geriatric suspect who pretends to be senile and adorable whenever Amy and Rosa are around.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Coat, coat, jacket, coat. Is this a police precinct or a Turkish bazaar?

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Quote from Gina

Gina: Jake, why don't you just do the right thing and jump out a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I'm mourning the death of a close friend.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Squad, since Peralta's briefing was cut short, you can all use this time to clean up your desks. Look at this place. Half-eaten food, crumpled tissues, pictures of your families.
Sergeant Jeffords: What's wrong with pictures?
Captain Holt: If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Peralta, I'm not going to discuss my home life with you. We're not friends. We're not family. You're not my husband.
Jake: That's hurtful. I thought we had a special bond. I was your secret santa last year.
Captain Holt: And I already thanked you for the "Who Farted?" baseball cap.
Jake: But you never wear it.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Damn it, it's morphing into British.
Gina: Do your catchphrase.
Jake: Peralta, that's enough.

Quote from Charles

Charles: He's messing with me because I'm not intimidating like Terry or dignified like Jake. Or model-handsome like Jake. Or funny like Jake.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: What is wrong with our Internet? I like to back up my data every fifteen minutes and it's taking seventeen minutes per backup. I'm in a data backup deficit.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Bad mood? I'm sorry, have I not being bursting into song enough for you lately? Would you like me to click my heels together or skip like a school child?
Jake: Yes, to all of that.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Attention, squad. Quick announcement. Overtime is reinstated, and you are each allowed two personal photographs, two trinkets and three assorted knick-knacks. You know what, just follow Sergeant Jefford's lead. He always knows how to keep this place running smoothly.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: You were right all along. I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at myself, and I took it out on the squad. Peralta you're a genius.
Jake: Oh my God, you said it.
Captain Holt: I heard you practising in the men's room.
Jake: Yeah, that makes more sense.

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, fine. But I'm calling in my chit.
Gina: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Jake: No, ch-it.

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: The Captain's at a new level of anger, constant smiling.
Amy: It's horrible.
Rosa: All smiling is horrible. This is worse.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You wanna know why I was so angry all week? When those men came at me, I acted like I was a twenty-year-old. I took a stupid risk and I got myself stabbed. I was in pain and frustrated about lying to the man I love.
Jake: Kevin
Captain Holt: Yes, obviously Kevin.
Jake: Obviously.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Yeah, I might buy my shoes at a kids store and yeah, I might be scared of geese, but I am a damn good cop and I will not be made a fool of. So I am gonna go into that room and I'm gonna get that lousy, old geezer to admit on camera that he robbed those banks.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Dude, just admit you ruined everything and turned our lives into a living hell. No biggie.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wait, so you heroically fought off three guys and that put you in a bad mood? If I did that, I would literally write a song about myself. It would be like "Jake the hero. Abs of steel. She-la-la-la."


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