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11Quotes from ‘The Venue’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Venue

506. The Venue

Aired November 14, 2017

The always unwelcome Vulture pops back into Jake and Amy's lives, threatening to swoop in and take something important away from them. Meanwhile, Boyle and Rosa must track down "Sergeant Peanut Butter," the kidnapped NYPD horse that Charles envies, and Holt challenges Terry to be less image-conscious.

Quote from Scully

Captain Holt: What's going on here?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm throwing Teri-with-an-I's party with my own money. I didn't know her favorite kind of ice cream, so I printed a photo of her and showed it to all the ice cream places within 30 blocks. Nobody recognized her, so I got every flavor, 200 pints.
Scully: This is the greatest day of my life.
Captain Holt: Have you considered this Teri-with-an-I might not be an ice cream person?
Sergeant Jeffords: I did think that. That's why there's a taco bar coming.
Scully: Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus barbecue.
Scully: Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus a popcorn guy.
Scully: [laughing] Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus vegan options.
Scully: Why?

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, can I get $350 in petty cash? I need to throw an ice cream party for Teri-with-an-I, make sure there's no hard feelings.
Captain Holt: Why? She gets it was a misunderstanding. She's a Teri, and you're a Terrance who, even though he's not a child, still goes by a nickname ending in a Y.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, don't people call you Ray?
Captain Holt: How dare you.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Teri: Excuse me?
Sergeant Jeffords: I said, "Terry's got butt for days!"
Teri: Please stop talking about my body.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Teri: I'm Teri. You just said I had "butt for days."
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I see what just happened. Terry's gonna regret this.
Teri: Are you threatening me?
Sergeant Jeffords: No! No, no. This is a misunderstanding. My name is also Terry, and I was talking about my butt.
Teri: So you were complimenting your own body?
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, I'm pretty proud of it. Do you know how old I am?
Teri: Okay. Apology accepted. Seems pretty arrogant, though.
Captain Holt: This might not be the right time, but talking about yourself in the third person has finally-
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry knows!

Quote from Charles

Rosa: You okay?
Charles: Yeah, no burns. The doctor said I was lucky my body was so damp.

Quote from Charles

Charles: No, look. Daily News got it right. Yeah."Hero Cop Saves Helpless Buffoon." Oh, no. Am I the buffoon?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Sergeant, you've become unhinged. There's always gonna be people in this world who don't like you. That's a fact of life.
Sergeant Jeffords: I hear you, sir. But I hate the feeling of people being mad at me.
Captain Holt: So what? I was voted least friendly in high school, and here I am, a police captain. Do you know what Mr. Popularity, Vincent Mondale, is doing these days? He's a sociologist, for God's sake. Sociologist, Terry.

Quote from Scully

Jake: Heads!
Scully: What the? [catches d-hole in his mouth] It's finally happening!

Quote from Charles

Jake: Attention, Nine-Nine. We have an announcement.
Charles: "Shrek Live" is coming back to Broadway!
Jake: Nope, you dreamed that.
Charles: Aw.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wait, what's wrong? Something's wrong. That's the look my mom gave me right before she told me that my dad left. Oh, God, did my dad leave my mom again? How do you know my mom and dad?

Quote from Jake

Jake: Nothing makes sense anymore. The Vulture's not the Vulture, good is bad, up is down, there's a young pope, winter has come. That reminds me: I ordered some premium cable channels.

Quote from Charles

Rosa: Captain, I solved it. Charles kidnapped Peanut Butter.
Charles: [laughs sarcastically] I did not. But it's no surprise that somebody did.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, my kids love that horse.
Charles: Your kids need help wiping their butts, Sarge. They're not exactly geniuses. [Holt holds Jeffords back]


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