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‘The Tattler’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Tattler

603. The Tattler

Aired January 24, 2019

Jake and Gina attend their 20th high school reunion. Back at the Nine-Nine, Charles helps Rosa with her love life.

Quote from Charles

Rosa: Hey. So you know how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, then we tried to make it work, but the distance was too much and we broke up again?
Charles: No. The last thing you told me about yourself was that you were bi.


Quote from Charles

Charles: Rosa, stop. There is one more method. Ancient Boyles believed that suspending yourself by your feet forces your blood to the decision center of your brain. We call this method the "Upside-Down Coward."
Rosa: You want me to hang from the ceiling like a bat?
Charles: The bat is nature's most decisive animal.
Rosa: The creature that flails around frantically?
Charles: Those are all micro-decisions. Now, let's get you strapped up.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Okay, I've got something.
Jake: Oh. That's not Brandon's profile. It's mine.
Amy: I just want a quick peek at your attendance record. Zero absences. Oh, mama Printing this for later.
Jake: Keep it in your pants, Santiago.
Amy: Oh, that's exactly where it's going.

Quote from Captain Holt

Brenda from Yonkers: [on radio show] Hi. Quick shout-out to the nurses at United Pediatric. This money'll do those kids a lot of good.
Captain Holt: Cry me a river, Brenda from Yonkers. We've all had budget cuts. Just take your guess.

Quote from Captain Holt

Scully: Hey, guys, they're about to play the new mystery sound.
Captain Holt: I can tell Kevin tomorrow.
Sergeant Jeffords: I'll bet Sharon's already asleep.
Hitchcock: And I've got no one in my life.
Captain Holt: Scully, play that damn noise.

Quote from Charles

Rosa: Ugh. I took too long getting back to Quinoa and they got mad and ended it.
Charles: And that's how it's done.
Rosa: What are you talking about?
Charles: The process worked. Boyles don't make decisions. We delay our decisions until the universe makes them for us. That way, we never make a wrong choice.
Rosa: That is very sad, but also, I guess it worked.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: I do feel pretty good. Couscous is dope. She's funny.
Charles: Couscous is a she! I knew it!
Rosa: Did you?
Charles: No, and I still don't know. There's equal chance you called them "she" to throw me off.
Rosa: You get me, Boyle.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Why is everyone gathered around the radio? Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Well, this is a total waste of time.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sure, but you can still have fun, even if you're wasting time.
Captain Holt: That's absurd. Productivity is what makes things fun. That's why humans go to work.
Sergeant Jeffords: It is?

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