TV Quotes

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to] Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Jake: I have a murder here with no leads and no evidence. It's unsolvable, and thus, shall have no paperwork.
Hitchcock: You had me at "no paperwork".
Jake: That was the very end of the sentence.

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, this screw has three pointy sides, and nowhere to screw it in! And there's wheels. What kind of castle has wheels?

Jake: Wait. Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. Someone died. No! You won a prize. I'm not getting better at this.

Teenager: Hold up. Why does the kid selling sound like he's black?
Amy: He's not.
Gina: Well, why not? Are you saying black people can't sell drugs?
Amy: No, I'm not saying that.
Teenager: We have a black president. Why can't black people sell drugs?
Amy: I'm so confused.
Gina: Black people can sell drugs. *starts chanting* Black people can sell drugs. Black people can sell drugs.
*Holt enters*

Amy: You're not a cop so I'm not really sure how you could help.
Gina: Mmm-kay. No hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.

Jake: I don't slump, people. I opposite of slump. I pmuls. That's slump backwards and it's what I do. I pmuls all over this bitch.

Jake: Sarge, what would you do?
Sergeant Jeffords: Ten thousand sit-ups.
Jake: Okay. Do you have a back up plan in case my hypothetical person can only do 9500? Or three?

Captain Holt: Peralta, where are we on the Adams St. burglary?
Jake: We are very close, Captain, aside from a complete absence of evidence, suspects, or leads. So in conclusion, not at all close.

Rosa: In this case, not being a cop might be better.
Gina: That's true in all cases. Cops are the worst.

Rosa: No, Robo-Cop. It's got everything I like. Gratuitous violence.
Jake: Oh, I thought you were listing things.
Rosa: I was. I'm done.

Jake: Hey, love the sweater. Who you slaying tonight, Lady Killer?
Charles: Well she shall see what we shall see.
Jake: No, you're dressed exactly like the Lady Killer.
Charles: Damn it. This is Jeffrey Dahmer's corduroys all over again.

Jake: Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time. One cop heroically saving the day while every one else stands around and watches. It's the story of my life.

Jake: All right, sir. Let me hit you with a little analogy. Are you familiar with race cars?
Captain Holt: Formula 1 or stock?
Jake: That's already way more than I know about it.

Jake: Now, you were wondering why we did this in the bathroom, it's 'cause you're full of crap.
Charles: Blamo. Jake-hammer strikes again.
Jake: Jake-hammer strikes again.